I did it - Day One of IVF Shots By Myself

Wow - I honestly cannot believe I did it.

I spent almost the entire day reading infertility blogs and waiting for 9 pm to come around. After the "dry run" with Carlos last night, I knew I could probably maybe do it. (How's that for confidence?) I called several friends to catch up during the day, but didn't get to talk to a few of them and generally spent the day alone. But I really was enjoying myself. And didn't feel particularly lonely. especially since Carlos just left several hours ago.

So, when I got a call from a good friend (and a former infertile) that I had NOT called, and I started crying as soon as she said hello, we both wondered what was wrong with me. I said, through the tears, "Thank you for calling. I'm just so happy that you called." I will blame it on the hormones, even though I hadn't been feeling them up until that point.

Once I stopped blubbering, we had a great conversation.. and then we actually talked up until it was time to do the meds, so I put her on speakerphone, and she was there for me while I did my three shots. And was the voice of reason when I had a little mishap. The needle was in my skin, but the plunger was not going in. "It's not working," I said. It won't push down." She calmly said, "OK, take the needle out of your skin and draw back some air and then try to move the plunger again." Of course, that worked, so who knows why it wasn't working the first time. Hmmmm.. user error, perhaps? User anxiety? Most definitley.

So, I did them all, one by one, and then cleaned up after myself. I didn't realized there was so much pre-cleaning and post cleaning involved. Carlos has been doing everything. while I get to lay there. (I do my shots laying down. My freind said, "Are you kidding? I did them in the bathroom mirror at work." Okay, so I'm a baby, I admit it. However, I am a baby who did her shots by herself tonight. Take that.

So, now I am going to have some tea and watch Desperate Housewives.

The Shots

So, part of the reason I’m starting this blog is Carlos had to go on a business trip this week.
He has been doing my stimulation shots the past three days. (I started last Thursday.) So last night, he was still here, but I did the shots myself with his coaching and supervision. Tonight and all week, I have to do it myself. So I figured I would update the blog each night after I do my shots as a way to hold myself accountable that I do them.

One of my biggest fears is that I will screw up my meds and then have to cancel the cycle. It reminds me of our honeymoon when we went scuba diving. The fist time we went scuba diving, Carlos and I took the class, got all suited up, and we went down in the water together. Carlos was ahead of me – he passed the “skills test” in the water and went further down the rope. I messed up the skills test several times, and my anxiety level rose. Then I finally got them all correct, the instructor was excited, and we started heading down. However, by that time, I was already freaked out because of messing up the skills, that I decided I wanted to go back up. The photographer took me back up and then went back down to take photos of Carlos. My anxiety level had just risen, and I freaked out.

Then like hours later, we were relaxing on the boat on the way back to the shore, and they handed me a refund check for the amount of the scuba trip. I was so excited! (I’m sure I’ll reveal on this blog that I’m very frugal, and I love saving money.)

So anyway, I was sad about not going scuba diving, but I felt better that I got my money back. I will make a point here at some point. However, I don’t think the IVF works this way. If I screw up my meds, there are no refunds for all the medical services, meds, ultrasounds, blood tests, I have already done. So, I really really want to not screw up my meds. And not just because of the money or because I regret not going scuba diving. Because really I don’t. But I do want a baby very badly. And doing these shots is part of that process.