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Monday, May 24, 2010

New perspective

One is swaddled and sleeping and I'm wearing the other as she sleeps, so instead of eating myself or sanitizing pump parts or washing bottles, or eating something, I thought I would finally finish the blog post I started yesterday...

It's been so long since I've blogged, and I'm so sad. I really want to keep track of all these thoughts and persepctives and milestones. I'm going to try harder to blog as often as possible. They are growing so fast. I can't believe this week, they will be one month old.

Today I am by myself. It's actually been nice. I mean, it's so so so hard (and I really need to write about that - hoping I have some future twin mommas reading, and I can share with you how hard it is), but today I heard a song that just changed my perspective, just a bit.

So I mentioned that it's hard, right? The breastfeeding, the pumping, so, so so hard. So, I am frequently thinking about the future.. looking forward to when it gets easier. I see my friends' posts on Facebook with their 10-pound, 3 week old babies, and I think oh it will be easier then, when my babies get bigger.

And I admit, I find myself jealous of others that have it easier, singleton moms, people that have lots of help, and moms who are not trying to get mostly breastmilk in two babies. They have it so good, I think!

I see three month olds, and I think, oh gosh, they can leave the house with them! I even see newborns that wiegh 9 pounds at birth, and I think, "they have it so much easier, my babies are so tiny!"

And I google "first social smile" - and I think, I will look forward to that. That will be wonderful, will make it all worth it, when they can smile back at me. Because right now, they just cry at me, and don't appreciate anything I do for them.

Today, I had the TV off all day. I admit that it's usually on CNN as background noise (and I'm a news junkie) since it was off, I played music on my iPad.

I played this song, Let Them Be Little, (it's a country song, if you can stand country search You Tube to hear it). It's about letting kids be kids and not rushing them to grow up.

And I just started crying.

I need to cherish this time. Now I'm crying just typing this. Not a unique occurrence.

Another twin momma came over yesterday and held my sweet boy, and said, "I don't even remember when my babies were this little." And hers are only 9 months old.

Now I want time to stand still. I want to have every day be like this. They are so beautiful, so precious, so tiny, so, so sweet, so innocent. So, little. I will just let them be little. They are only this way for a while.


ssebh said...

They do appreciate you! They just don't do a great job of expressing it.

That song made me cry many a time and probably still would if I were to put it on right now. Even as my singleton 9 month old seems so much different than your one month old twins, every moment simply flys by.

Heather said...

so true... very sweet post. hang in there, lady!

and take LOTS of pictures! the time flies and memories fade, but you will always have the pics to look back on and see how much your babes have changed and grown... and you will look at those pics a million times to see how sweet and innocent and tiny your babies once were when they become all chubby and big and strong.

tootertotz said...

This is going to sound negative and I don't mean it at ALL that way...but they will keep you on your toes so I have found it best to appreciate whichever phase we are currently in.

I found with Bug that as soon as I started to feel comfortable in a phase, he changed the game on me and learned something new that made my job a bit (sometimes dramatically) harder. That is his job is just to keep up.

So, as much as you can, keep your new perspective because right now you know what you have and in a few months things will be equally or more difficult but in a new way. That's how we can keep up...beacuse it is exciting to see these changes.

I am doing my best to realize how easy I have it while Bub is tiny and I can take him anyplace as he just rolls with whatever our schedule requires. Soon, he will be committed to nap times and be on the move and my life will be overturned in new challenging ways.

SO keep it are doing great and you will continue to do great with everything they throw your way.

Welcome to motherhood!!

Chrys and Mike said...

Amen! Take it all in and try to enjoy every minute. Those newborn days are a fog but, when the fog lifts, your babies will be older and they change so fast. Each stage brings fun, wonderful blessings and milestones. Sniff their sweet little newborn heads for me and give them hugs from Big D.


wannabmomma said...

I'm a soon-to-be twin mom (being induced tomorrow!), and I found your blog the day before you were going to deliver. I'd love to hear your stories and tips about your twins. Keeps the posts coming (when you can of course!)!

Christy@pipandsqueak said...

I strive to live in the moment. It is so easy, no matter how old they are (mine are 4 and almost 2) to wish for things past and things future and therefore miss out on things present.

lilly said...

a beautiful post, gabby. i don't have twins babies, so you're right...i have no idea how much harder i could have it. but i do know that it's quite difficult the way it is with one, so i can only imagine what you go through in one day. do hang in there for the moment they make their first precious smiles while's fabulous.

i'm afraid i'm missing out on savoring my babie too...there's only so much i can take in all at once and there's a lot happening in my life right now! i guess we just have to do what we can...savor when we can savor and make it through when we need to make it through. ah, the limitations of being human...

Beautiful Mess said...

I had the same thought process when Zilla was a few months old. he wasn't sleeping and was eating all the time. I was a human pacifier. I mentioned to someone "I can't wait for him to get older", she looked at me and said in a very sweet voice "don't wish all of this away". It hit me right then and there. Since then I've been present for every little and big thing. It makes a huge difference, doesn't it?

Love on those babies! Give them lots of kisses and snuggles, even when they're screaming at you ;o)

Sunny said...

You are definitely in the hardest part -- and doing it alone with twins, I can only imagine! When I had my oldest (a singleton), I was completely overwhelmed, it was hard to enjoy every minute even though I tried. It wasn't until three months that I really became happy and comfortable in my role. Hang in there!

Mo and Will said...

oh gabby,

what a beautiful, sweet, real post. as much as time must seem to stand still when you're sleep deprived and taking care of wee little ones, it's also rushing past. wonderful that you're able - despite your exhaustion - to switch perspectives, even for a moment and see things with new eyes. so so happy for you and sending you love and support across the blogosphere.


Michele said...

Oh hon, it's so true... I look back at my two pounders and now (at 9mo, Bobby weighs over 20lb and Maya over 15) and I can barely remember that time- even with pictures!

You are doing a great job. A GREAT JOB!!! Keep it up!

Ashlee G. said...

I love that song!

Im a teacher and during my student teaching i was in a pre-k class. For their mothers day tea program we did a very sweet presentation and while the kiddos were passing out their little handprints book that they made we played that song. I bawled every time.

Enjoy your little ones, they so appreciate everything you do for them!

Ashlee, ICLW #180

daega99 said...

Mny hugs to you!