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Monday, September 21, 2009

ultrasound report

Hello - If you are here from ICLW, feel free to read this post to start..

Well, here goes the ultrasound report..

But let me start at the beginning.

So yesterday, I was super super tired. I pretty much laid on the couch all day long. Then this morning, as we were leaving, I just wasn't feeling completely well. I wasn't feeling nauseous, like I needed to run to the bathroom, but just feeling not all that well.

Oh yeah, and yesterday I felt this same way. Like a little dizzy from time to time.

So, then this morning we got there, and could tell the doctor was behind. I was feeling so so tired and just not completely well.

Finally I heard my name. It was the Dr. Hugs coming to get me. So nice that it was the actual doctor. He hugged me as always and asked how i was feeling. I told him I wasn't so good, and he said, "we'll do your blood pressure and all your vitals after we do the ultrasound." They used to do my blood pressure every time, but now that i've got it under control with meds, they stopped checking it.

So i got undressed and he put the magic wand in. I glance up at the screen and knew instantly what i saw, even though i had never seen one before. Basically, the big black blob. When you are making eggs, it's a follicle. And when you are looking at the gestational sacs, it's a sac!

...and in my case, there were two!

and we even got to see two heartbeats!

I was beyond thrilled.. but even more scared.

So we checked my blood pressure and it was low. So, he told me to start cutting my pills and taking one half of the dose. I have no problem with that! I don't like taking it anyway, but i do faithfully.

So, that's it! TWINS!! One boy, one girl, two hearts beating wildly.

To put it mildly, for me and Carlos, it was love at first sight.

welcome ICLW

Hello ICLWers.

It's my favorite time of the month, discovering new blogs, making new friends, spending even more time on the internet. ;)

Here's the quick background on me and this blog. We are 6 weeks and 3 days pregnant as of Monday, 9-21. This pregnancy is the result of an FET. We are beyond thrilled, but still scared and hopeful. We did IVF with ICSI and PGD, so if anyone has any questions on any of that, I'm happy to help.

If you want a little more background on me, I made a list of things I love for the last ICLW.

Now for our regularly scheduled programming...

So, I had written this list of all the thoughts in my head of things to do after I first got a positive HPT. I've started on a few of them..

1. Carlos and I went car-shopping this past weekend. Just for fun. Not to buy yet at all. It's so funny how car salesmen really think they can convince you to buy a car. I'm like, do you really think I'm going to test-drive on the day I buy? No, I'm going to send you an email telling you the price I want to pay. If you email me back, I buy the car. Today, we are in the research phase.

2. I also had thought about making an OB doctor appointment. I was worried that I would call when I get released from the RE and find out I can't get an appointment. Is it too early to call to get an appointment?

Well, this one got this best of me, and I called this past week. I was at work, so I was trying to be quiet, even though I was in a closed door cubicle. I told the scheduler my name, date of birth, etc, and then she asked, "what do you want to come in for?" I whispered, "I'm pregnant. (I honestly don't think I had said that out loud yet."

Her immediate response to me: Do you want to keep the baby?

I was shocked. I couldn't hep it. I think I screamed, "Heck yeah! I did IVF!"

It was surreal that that was her first question to me. I guess my whispering made me sound young and scared or something.

Anyway, appointment made at the 10 week mark.

So. more on the rest of my list later in the week.

Today is our first ultrasound. I'll post an update later today.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

the results are in...

well, the results are in...

so, we went in at 8:30 for the blood draw for my beta. Afterward, we went to church and then lunch and running errands. I fully expected the nurse to call before we got home, so when we started heading home from lunch, I asked Carlos if he thought I should call.

Because it's Sunday, and they only see patients half day. By this time, it was almost 12 noon. What if they had forgotten to call? There was a lot of people in the waiting room this morning. What if they finally got everyone in and out, and finally got themselves out and just forgot to call? Totally irrational, I am completely aware.

So, I called. The receptionist said, "The results probably aren't back yet. The nurse will call you." Darn, I was sort of hoping they would just get her, because really, I knew the results were in.

We get home, I'm still waiting for the phone to ring. And then... I remember that another woman had told me that she found her results online on the patient portal even before they called! I was so excited and I went and looked.

I had calculated the number that "doubling every 48 hours" would bring on this day. and I knew that anything over 2400 would be a good sign.

So, when I saw the number 5740, I was extremely excited.

And I did what any normal infertile with a computer would do.

I dialed up the BetaBase.

I hope someone will correct me if I'm wrong, but today is 18dp5dt, which I think is 23 days past ovulation.

So , the betabase said..

... the median number for singletons is 2358.

and the median number for twins is 5047.

I am not drawing any conclusions at all based on the beta numbers. They can vary so greatly between pregnancies.

But I sure am excited for my ultrasound next Monday! Praying for at least one heartbeat!

Thank you, Lord!

Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thoughts the week between 4w and 5w

So here I am at 5 weeks, 1 day… Tomorrow I have my 3rd beta. I can't wait.

For the first week after confirming my pregnancy, I had all sorts of thoughts. I admit I’m a control freak. Infertility has tried to cure me of that, but it has not completely succeeded. So my mind is spinning, and I am thinking about all the things I am going to have to do, to plan, to buy, etc.. and wondering if it’s too early to wonder about this stuff… like, for example.
1. I have a million things to do to get ready for this baby. If I start doing them, will I be putting the cart before the horse, because what if it turns out, I go for my beta Sunday, and I’m not pregnant anymore.

2. We’re going to need a bigger car. Is it too early to begin researching a safe small SUVs or sedans?

3. Am I still pregnant? I don’t really feel pregnant. I’m too tired to go buy a pee stick to pee on, so I’ll just try not to think about it.

4. Birth options. Is it too early to start looking into a doula? How long in advance do you have to reserve them? I remember when planning my weding, I called the makeup artist first because I heard he books up 1.5 years in advance. I'm so glad I did because my date was already reserved! I only got lucky because someone else changed thier time. And my lesson was that I needed to plan earlier, contributing to my control-freak-ness. I also found out that some women reserve the wedding location and vendors, then find the man. Whatever.

5. I wonder if I’m still pregnant. How many days am I now? How many days until 12 weeks? Maybe I’ll put all these milestones on the Google calendar.

6. Oooh! Babymoon.. can I start planning that now? We’ll want to go somewhere international, and I’m sure we’ll want to use frequent flyer miles, so I should probably look into that now. Those free seats go very fast, especially if we want to fly first.

7. I am so attached to this pregnancy, I really hope I’m still pregnant. Maybe I better not plan anything and have to change plans. I really should get away from the computer and take a nap. I’m so tired. I hope that means I’m still pregnant.

8. Do I make an appointment with my OB for 10 weeks? Am I going to call when I get released from the OB and find out she can’t see me right away? Is it too early to call her?

9. I wonder if I’m still pregnant. I really really want to keep this baby. I hope I don’t start spotting or something. Oh, I feel something gust out of me. Is it the progesterone or blood? I better go check. Ok, white. Good. But that doesn’t mean I’m pregnant. Just means I am still doing the progesterone.

10. I want to do some Yoga. Oh crap, “they” say I can’t do Bikram anymore. I’m so barely pregnant. I’m sure it’s fine to do now, right? I’m not risking anything. I really really really want this baby.. Ok, prenatal yoga. When and where is the nearest prenatal yoga class? Is it too early to look into it? is it too early to show up? Will the real pregnant women think I’m crazy? Will they be right?

11. How big is my baby now? I think I'll go check. Oh, a poppy seed! So, probably not the reason I've gained two pounds this week, huh? I hope my little poppy seed is settling in. please don't leave me, poppy seed!

12. How will we decorate the nursery? Maybe i should start researching cribs and rockers and all that other baby crap. If i don't do it now, we might accidentally bring home the baby and not have anywhere to put it.

Ok, that's enough of the crazy thoughts going on in my head between 4weeks and 5 weeks. i promise to report on my beta number tomorrow. I might even make one of those cool charts. :)

Friday, September 4, 2009

The numbers are in!!

So, my nurse coordinator called about 11:00 am this morning with my numbers.

41 - 1st beta
108 - 2nd beta

I like those numbers!

I had forgotten about acupuncture, and hadn't had an appointment since the transfer day, so I quickly called my non-Chinese TCM Doctor and was able to make an appointment for 2:30 today.

On the way to the acupuncture appointment, my embryologist called me to tell me how happy she was about the news, and she said that she thought my numbers were very good.

The acupuncturist was very happy to hear the god news, and he did the weird moxibustion on my toes to prevent miscarriage.

I know I am barely in the woods.. and nowhere near out of the woods, but I am trying to be positive and have the expectation of a healthy pregnancy.

I am still scared, though.

Carlos and I decided we are not telling anyone unless they ask directly. So, to my real life friends, thank you for checking in on us. I'm happy to share this news with you, but please don't tell our other friends just yet.

My nurse coordinator offered me the option to come in again for another beta, and I declined because I get to come in in nine days anyway. I will probably pee on a few sticks between now and then, thought, even if just to see those two lines. I have never ever seen two lines, and that would be nice.

Thanks everyone for your good wishes. I am so so happy to be a a part of this amazing community. Praise God for this good news!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

excited for tomorrow and the weekend

So 2nd beta is tomorrow.

Not gonna think about that right now.

It's been a long, long week. I was in the car today for 8 hours back and forth for a 2 hour meeting. Yes, I'm ready for the week to be over. And ready for the awesome weekend Carlos has planned.

There is an outdoor Arts festival in Sausalito this weekend. I really don't know how I missed it on my list, but outdoor arts festivals are one of my very favorite things in the world.

So, we are going to head down to Sausalito on Saturday morning and we'll we'll spend some time in Napa Valley.. and just relax and enjoy.

We have some friends that live in the East Bay, and we hope to see them. Carlos called them tonight to let them know we are coming and see if we can make plans. Carlos and the husband are chatting and chatting, and I'm trying to figure out what they are talking about and what the plans are. Because I am googling for hotels, and looking at spas and the festival schedule and trying to listen to one-half of the conversation to figure out the plans.

Carlos finally gets off the phone, and he's telling me about all that is going on with them. I tell him that I overheard him say, "Well do you need us to help babysit or something?"

I'm thinking.. Hello? What's up with that?

Carlos said, "Well, It's their wedding anniversary on Sunday, and they don't have plans yet, so they are trying to figure it all out.

So I said, "I do want to see them, but I'm cool with babysitting their kids, too. After all, we're going to need some practice."

And then I handed him this.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm ready to know! (but I don't)

So, it's Tuesday. There was a point yesterday morning where I couldn't imagine getting through even the next two days. But I did.

But let me start at the beginning..

My girls weekend was amazing! It was great to be with good girlfriends and relax and not constantly think about Am I pregnant or not? What if I'm not? So nice to have my mind off it for a few days.
Plus, my friends knew what i was going through, and it was just comfortable and easy to be around them..

Then, I came home. Reality set in.

On Monday morning, i don't know why.. i just lost it and I Needed.To.Know. Right.Then.

So, I decided to POAS. I was 6dp6dt, so, yeah, I know, it's early.But I thought, one of my blog freinds got a positive on 6dp6dt. So, it's possible. But it's actually a great time to test, because, well, shoot, it can't hurt. Even if it's negative, I won't be discouraged, because it's early. Just because I know someone who got a BFP on 6dp6dt, but that doesn't mean everyone does. I won't be discouraged, only thrilled if it's positive.

So, let's just see.

So I P'dOAS.

And I got nothen.

And I kinda lost it and started googling for 6dp6dt and trying to see what everyone else got. And I found lots and lots of faint lines on 6dp6dt and started to get sad and upset and realize that I'm probably not pregnant and maybe I'll never get pregnant and I'll have to work for the rest of my life and be childess and never have grandkids. And I don't want to work anymore.. and .. well, you know the downward spin cycle. The pity party began.

I went to show Carlos the negative test, and cried to him. He got mad at me and told me not to test anymore. And I tried to explain why POAS is a really good idea for me. Yeah, obviously. So, the pity party continued. Now, I just had a guest. Be glad none of you called me during this time. We would have had a major pity party of 3! Pity party and crying spells last for 5 more minutes..

Until I remembered that my embryos were frozen on day 5.

I was only 6dp5dt.... Everything changes.. Come here, Dr. Google.

And then I realized, that oh, yeah, and it's Monday, and transfer was Wednesday. It's only 5 days past transfer.

So, i wasn't 6dp6dt, I was 5dp5dt.

(I know you are all thinking, Pass the crack, Gabby. You are on drugs!)

All was better with my little world. And I decided to step away from the computer and go to work. I am very busy at work, and that has kept my mind off the wondering for the last two days. For the most part.

So, I was supposed to have Beta #1 this morning and Beta #2 on Thursday. But I had a business trip this morning for which I had to leave at 6:00 am. So I emailed my nurse coordinator and asked if I could change my betas to Wednesday and Friday.

So, I'll head in tomorrow at 7:30 for the blood test. I won't know the results until Friday. My clinic freezes and tests both blood samples after the second Beta. Friday I only work until noon, so I'll be home and out of work when i hear the results. Carlos and I will go away for Labor Day weekend... to either celebrate or.. commiserate. so I have that to look forward to either way.

Thanks a ton for following me. I love your comments and good wishes!