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Sunday, July 18, 2010

Father's Day

Carlos mentioned that he would like photos of me and the babies for Father's Day.  I didn't really know how I would pull that one off.  I don't shower very often, and really don't have any clothes that I am comfortable wearing in public.  I don't have any nursing tops. I got a few hand me down that were medium size. Not sure what planet I was on, thinking I would be medium size after I delivered. At least not the parts that go in tops. 

I quickly learned you can't fit 40E boobs into a medium size nursing top or nursing dress.  So those sit in the closet.

But I had a helper last week (not my normal helper, but an awesome helper.  More backblogging posts on the helper coming soon - she's as my good friend H would say "interesting"), So we went to the mall, and I got my makeup done at Chanel at Nordstrom.  We came back and she took some photos.  Unfortunately, it was the worst time of day for the babies.  They were quite fussy.  or very fussy.  But we got a couple of decent photos out of 120!

I also arranged for our massage therapist to come to the house on Sunday morning to give massages to both me and Carlos.  I really wanted Carlos to have two full hours of quiet, so I had my massage first and the babies were mostly sleeping,  Then Carlos had his massage, and I kept the babies occupied and quiet in our bedroom, while he had his massage in the living room.

Then we took the babies to Costco.  Our frist trip to Costco with the babies.  Attention TWIN MOMS:  A regular shopping trip with two babies will take MUCH.LONGER than it used to.  We got stopped by at least 10 different partices wanting to look at the babies.  And we didn't have a double stroller or anything.  We were each wearing a baby, so it wasn't even that noticeable.  But people LOVE babies.  And twins even more.  So, that was actually fun.  Might get annoying in the future.  But way fun that morning.

Hoenstly twin moms that are reading this in or around your 8th week or so - this is the key to surviving.. if you haven't gotten out of the house, DO IT.  Seeing other people, them telling you how lucky you are to have twins.. it helps so much. 

More Quotes to Remember

Next in the series...

So we got these awesome little stuffed animal pacifer holders that will be on my list of Must Haves, whenever I make one.  They are called Wub-A-Nub, and they are Soothies pacifiers connected to little stuffed animals.  We have two, one is a monkey and one is a bear.

I had just looked at Babycenter's list of "What your baby is doing this week" and it said that your baby should start being able to grasp things and hold on to them.

We went out for breakfast this morning with the babies and Hombre had his pacifier in his car seat.  Carlos was feeding Princess, and I was standing in front of Hombre's car seat in the waiting area.  His carseat was sitting on a table, and I was blocking the sunlight from his eyes.

I looked down and exclaimed, "Hombre is holding his monkey!"

We got a good laugh, and since then have made many a joke about Hombre and his monkey.  Poor thing.  This will be fodder for dinner conversations with future girlfriends.  Sorry, dude.  You love your monkey.

Quotes I want to Remember

This is going to be the start of a series called "Quotes I want to Remember."  Maybe I'll even abbreviate it to QIWtR.  Isn't that the thing to do?

We are getting ready to take the babies on our first trip with all four of us.  Well, the first trip that wasn't hospital or doctor's office.  We were going to our favorite breakfast place.  Carlos woke me up inorder to suggest that we go at 7 am.  Did you hear that? Carlos WOKE ME UP to go there.  It was so nice to sleep until 7 am. Important additional sidenote:  Did not get in bed until 5 am.

Anyway, Carlos loves to talk to the babies and tell them whatever he is thinking.  He read that you don't have to actually tell them any actual story or anything interesting at all, but if you just vary your tone so that it sounds like a story, they will love it.

So, in his really sweet story-telling voice, he says,
"Hombre, it might be time to get you some of those stupid little toys that hang off your carseat."

Now that I read this, it might not be as funny as it was when he said, but I promise it was really funny, because Hombre doesn't know what stupid means, and it's fun that we can acknoledge that a) those toys are stupid and silly (like Uglydoll, hello?  Have you seen that thing?  I bet my kids will LOVE it, though) and b)we gotta get 'em anyway.  and c)we'll be the ones playing with these silly toys as well.

Update on our Sweet Boy

So.. some of this is "old news" but I'm trying to "back blog" in order to get this all documented, now that I

am in a little better routine and can carve out time a little easier. (Note to twin moms - It DOES get easier.. right about 9-11 weeks.. at least for me it is.)
Hello blogosphere..Carlos was not comfortable with my talking about this earlier (he's big on internet privacy), but I asked him if it was okay, becayse I really want to update the blog and let you all know what is going on.  It's also important to me to have a record of all that we are going through and so so therapeutic for me to write.  I want this to be a "baby book" of sorts, since I have not been documenting their milestons anywhere else. 
I don't have a lot of time, but am trying to figure out a way to squeeze it all in.  So, I have several blog posts started and I am going to try to update them all over the next few weeks.. And then I'll write some new ones!  (Hopefully! That's the plan, anyway.)
Speaking of, I have been trying to email pictuers to the blog and it Does.Not.Work.  Bugs the crap ot of me.  Anyone know a fix for this?  I'm usually pretty savvy wtih that kind of stuff, which is why it's especially frustrating.  I could blog so quickly if I could email straight from iPhoto to blogger.  But my pictures never appear.  Whether I email them straight from iPhoto, or even when I use the regular Mail program on my Mac. 
Back to regularly scheduled programming...

So our little son Hombre (I've decided that will be his alias on this site, and she'll be Princess ) was born with a congenital heart defect.  He had an echocardiagram when he was four days old and was diagnosed with a mild to moderate case of aortic stenosis.  Aortic stenosis is the inability of the aortic valve to open completely.  The Children's Hospital of Boston has a wicked cool website that explains the condition in layman's terms.

We were told at that time that there was a 50/50 chance that he would need a surgical procedure before he was three months old.  We have continued to monitor him with outpatient visits to the cardiologist's office and EKGs and echocardiagrams.  For the 5 weeks following his diagnosis, his condition worsened, but only slightly.  This is one of those conditions that does not get better without medical intervention, but could remain stable for a while.

After five weeks of fairly stable readings on his echos, we got a reading when he was six weeks old that showed an increase in the pressure gradient that turned his case from moderate to severe.  It became necessary to repair the valve as soon as possible.  Hombre was scheduled for the balloon dilation procedure three days later.  1:00 pm at the Cardiac Catheterization Lab at our local Children's Hospital. 
The repair procedure they will did is called balloon dilation where they inserted a small, flexible tube (catheter) into a blood vessel in the groin, and guided it to the inside of the heart. The tube has a deflated balloon in the tip. When the tube is placed across the narrowed valve, the balloon is inflated to stretch the area open.

There are certainly many risks to these type of procedures, and any procedure on infants carries a great deal of potential for complications. 
Our baby was so tiny, only six weeks old and seven pounds when he had this procedure.  I'll update next on how it went. 

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Two month Weigh In

Tuesday, June 23rd was our two-month weigh-in. Our little princess tipped the scales at 8 pounds 4 ounces. She gained 16 ounces in 13 days!


This is a test post from flickr, a fancy photo sharing thing.

Monday, May 24, 2010

New perspective

One is swaddled and sleeping and I'm wearing the other as she sleeps, so instead of eating myself or sanitizing pump parts or washing bottles, or eating something, I thought I would finally finish the blog post I started yesterday...

It's been so long since I've blogged, and I'm so sad. I really want to keep track of all these thoughts and persepctives and milestones. I'm going to try harder to blog as often as possible. They are growing so fast. I can't believe this week, they will be one month old.

Today I am by myself. It's actually been nice. I mean, it's so so so hard (and I really need to write about that - hoping I have some future twin mommas reading, and I can share with you how hard it is), but today I heard a song that just changed my perspective, just a bit.

So I mentioned that it's hard, right? The breastfeeding, the pumping, so, so so hard. So, I am frequently thinking about the future.. looking forward to when it gets easier. I see my friends' posts on Facebook with their 10-pound, 3 week old babies, and I think oh it will be easier then, when my babies get bigger.

And I admit, I find myself jealous of others that have it easier, singleton moms, people that have lots of help, and moms who are not trying to get mostly breastmilk in two babies. They have it so good, I think!

I see three month olds, and I think, oh gosh, they can leave the house with them! I even see newborns that wiegh 9 pounds at birth, and I think, "they have it so much easier, my babies are so tiny!"

And I google "first social smile" - and I think, I will look forward to that. That will be wonderful, will make it all worth it, when they can smile back at me. Because right now, they just cry at me, and don't appreciate anything I do for them.

Today, I had the TV off all day. I admit that it's usually on CNN as background noise (and I'm a news junkie) since it was off, I played music on my iPad.

I played this song, Let Them Be Little, (it's a country song, if you can stand country search You Tube to hear it). It's about letting kids be kids and not rushing them to grow up.

And I just started crying.

I need to cherish this time. Now I'm crying just typing this. Not a unique occurrence.

Another twin momma came over yesterday and held my sweet boy, and said, "I don't even remember when my babies were this little." And hers are only 9 months old.

Now I want time to stand still. I want to have every day be like this. They are so beautiful, so precious, so tiny, so, so sweet, so innocent. So, little. I will just let them be little. They are only this way for a while.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Finally an update

Ohmigosh, I am so so sorry I have not posted an update yet. All is well.

I had the babies about 3:30 this morning. It took until 7:30 to get to the postpartum room, and it has been a whirlwind of activity since then. Left all our stuff in the Labor and Delivery room. (Well, not delivery for us, since we delivered in the OR)

Finally got computer back and now am posting an update.

So, first of all, babies are wonderful. They were a little smaller than what the last ultrasound would have led us to believe. Our boy was 4 pounds 9 ounces, and our little girl was 5 pounds 12 ounces.

She came out first after about 30-45 minutes of pushing. About half was in the Labor room, and then half was in the OR. He turned head down, and I pushed him out in about 15 minutes. Actually his heart rate dropped, and so we had to get him out quick, so my pushing was augmented with a vacuum delivery. More on that in the birth story that I will try to write while here in the hospital.

Anyway, it's just been a whirlwind since then, learning to breastfeed, trying to find time to eat, a few visitors, trying to "void" (I finally did after a catheter!), meeting with the post-partum nurse - it seems like every time I want to stop and do something, someone else comes to the door.

Ok, more later, I just wanted to update you all that they are here. My lunch just came and I gotta eat. oh, and my little girl just woke up, and she's gotta eat, too.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The latest news........
Last exam shows 8 cm. Baby A (little girl) is +2 station, meaning that the baby is very low now. Moving along nicely. Gabby is resting well. Dr wants her to sleep but I think she is way to excited.
Ok, so I was wrong about the time. Babies won't be born before 11:00.
Until Later.
My name is Lynette and I am here at the hospital with Gabby and Carlos awaiting the birth of their Twins. I am their birth consultant and midwife.
Gabby is resting now. She labored well through intense contractions until about 6 cms when the decision was made to get the epidural. In my opinion, when you have pitocin, even a little pit, it is wise to have some pain control.
Babies are doing well and now is the time to rest a little because there is much excitement coming our way. My guess is that the babies will be born by about 11 pm. Stay tuned for the next update. Don't hold me to the time. I have been wrong a few times in the past :)

Just had my first contraction

Not too bad. My husband and my doula are sleeping. Maybe I will try
to rest, too.

Sent from my mobile device

Starting Small dose of pitocin

No contractions yet, at least not any I can feel.

Monitor says I'm having a few, but nothing I can feel.

So.. we're going to get this thing started. The doc came in and we just had a long talk about pitocin. She answered all my questions, and she suggested we start with a very low dose, the lowest possible dose, which is one milliunit.

Basically my body is not doing this naturally, and if I want to meet these babies and have energy to get through labor, it's better to get started now.

I love that she was not pressuring at all. In fact, she said, I want you to feel comfortable with this. I want you to meditate on this and welcome the pitocin. If you feel that way and can get to that place, then when you're ready, we can start it. Otherwise, we can wait a while. Whatever you want.

And when she said it, it reminded me of Dr. Low Dog, this amazing naturopath that I met at a Executive Education Conference. I had asked her about my labeatalol and told her I was trying to get pregnant, and does she recommend any natural methods of lowering blood pressure rather than the medication. She was such an advocate for vitamins and herbs, I was curious to see what she would recommend.

I will never forget her response. She said, "You take that labetalol every morning, and you take a moment to be grateful for it. Be grateful that it's helping your body to regulate and it's going to sustain your pregnancy and keep your babies and you healthy. Take it each day with gratitude, and be thankful the medicine exists to help you." She completely changed my outlook.

And Dr. S reminded me of her when she told me to take some time to decide and welcome the pitocin.

So, thank you pitocin for helping to get my labor started. I am confident my body will kick in with its share of oxytocin and we'll start the process to meet our son and daughter.

More updates to come.

Thank you so much for following. It means the world to me to see your comments.

morning update

ok, so we got here about 7:00. I think we were supposed to be here at 6:30, but oh well.

So, we got registered and that took a while. The "advantage" of arriving at the hospital when you are not in labor is you get to go to the registrar's office and fill out a bunch of paperwork. It was actually all electronic paperwork, so that was cool.

Dr. S. (BD) came in and broke my water about 8:40 am this morning. It wasn't the most pleasant experience, but I guess it was okay. At that time I was 2 cms, 85% effaced and -2 station. I was expecting a gush of water, but I didn't really get that.

Actually my hep lock is actually the most annoying thing. But i think it's gotten better finally. I am actually typing on my Mac, so that's why you are getting an actual update, rather than words. I think at some point, i will have to text from the phone, we'll see.

Anyway, Doc says I'm not supposed to be a "watched pot," watching my uterus and hoping it starts contracting. So, i'm trying not to think about it.

I'm on continuous fetal monitoring, which is clearly also a bit annoying, but Doc wants it, so thats cool.

My blood pressure has been high every time. I was pretty stressed and anxious at the beginning, so I think that's the reason for the early high readings. I'm doing pretty well now.

It's great to have my labor support here. We just are chatting, watching TV. Carlos is on his Mac, so he is happy, and Debra just went to get a snack.

Dr. S will probably come back around lunch and see how things are going. Maybe we'll have some action before then.

I have two nurses, one is in training. They have no other patients but me, so that can be good I guess.

I LOVE your comment. They are seriously going to keep me going, I know it. Once things start going.

Today is the Day!

Wow - I can't believe it's here..

So, I am just getting ready. I called my doula/midwife.. Glad I did, I'm pretty sure I woke her up. Her hello was cheery, but she gave herself away when she asked what time is was. It's 5:50. We are supposed to be there at 6:30.

I just told Carlos that I don't want to stress about getting there on time. I just want to enjoy these last moments before we leave for the hospital. he was so sweet and i think he will honor my wishes. This is our day, and they can't start without us, so we will get there when we get there. Like most men, he likes to be on time, so I appreciate the sacrifice he is making while I piddle around and update the blog. :)

Please think happy birthing thoughts for us!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Plan for communication

I'd like to record things as they are happening as much as possible during labor and delivery, and I've decided the best place to do that is on this blog.

So, lucky readers, if you have any interest, you may get a play by play of What.Happens.Tomorrow. I say may, because as a woman, I reserve the right to change my mind at any time.

I ask that if you know me in Real Life, that you don't post anything on Facebook or anywhere else, until after you see the birth announcement made there. I think I *might* post, "Heading to the hospital" there in the morning, but I'll post throughout the day (hopefully) here.

Then we'll call text/special friends and family, then email an extended list after that. Then Facebook.

So, you will know here, before, and more than my mom. Please don't tell my mom! :)

I do this, partly because I have blog-stalked several of you when I knew or thought you were in labor. I have also really enjoyed hearing play-by-play of what happens in labor from others, and that has helped to educate me.

But I'll admit the biggest reason is that I may really need your support. Maybe I'll reactivate my AdventuresinGlass twitter sidebar and post twitter updates to the blog. Would that be easier?

Not sure, either way, check back tomorrow for the latest (if you care!) and I'd love to hear from you!!

Posting test

I am testing to see if I can post from the hospital while in labor.

Sent from my mobile device

Ok, so decision!

Ok, so Friday I talked to my doula/midwife, and we talked through everything.

i decided to plan to go in on Tuesday and just follow the plan as laid out by my favorite doctor.

So, here's why...

1. I picked this doc for a reason. I trust her. SHe knows what's best. Even though I can be a "boat rocker" when appropriate, she is someone i trust, and it's best to go with the advice she has given.

2. the babies are big, they are in good shape, keeping them in a few more days wont' change THAT much.

3. If I were to go into labor naturally the next day, I might not get to deliver with BD. Although I was not that worried about delivering with OD (I hear she is fantastic at that.) I was really just more worried about being induced by her.

4. i just had to make a decision, and be done with it. It was agonizing. And the non-decision of sticking with the current plan was easier. Seriously, laziness set in. Heck, cut me some slack, I'm measuring 12 and a half-months pregnant.

Ok, so there you are. We are going in tomorrow morning.

I agreed to have my water broken in the morning, going against my original plan. I am hoping contractions start on their own, nice and slow and manageable. If not, I'll have my husband, doula/midwife, and my favorite doctor there and we'll decide what to do.

I'm going to meet my babies very soon. I can't believe it.

37 week update and confusion

So, this post is actually a little old.. I wrote it to sort through my feelings when I was confused about what to do... You probably read the story of the First Doctor's recommendations.. and then the Second (Better) Doctor's Recommendations.

Then, on Tuesday, I went to see the MFM/perinatologist, who is the high-risk doc that I see because of my age, twin status, and high blood pressure history.

Here's the note I wrote to my doula/private midwife after THAT appointment. The next post will have our decision..

Ok, so you were up to date before I went to see Better Doctor (BD) on Monday. The
appointment went well, as I predicted. She is just so different from Other Doc. First she confirmed that Tuesday is her day at the hospital, so she would be there during my labor and delivery, which is great. She checked and said I was 2 centimeters dilated and 80 percent effaced. I
really don't know much about those numbers, but she thought it was good. based on that, she suggested we change my appointment at the hospital to Tuesday morning and that I come in and we just break my water first thing Tuesday morning. I had had an appointment scheduled for this monday and BD told me to cancel since I would be coming in at 7 am tuesday.

She didn't say that we would do pitocin at the same time, like OD did. She said that she would recommend waiting about 4 hours and see what happens. Maybe my body will start contractions on its own after the membranes rupture.

I liked hearing that. However, I am still concerned that being "on the clock" will stress me out a little, as I really don't want pitocin. The reason I don't want it, I think, is because I don't think that I will be able to handle the contractions with out epidural and I also have heard about
increased c-section rate and increased fetal distress with pitocin. And the other big reason is that I want the babies to decide when they are ready and labor at home and just have that birth experience.. you know?

She did support natural methods of induction, but I haven't done anything about that yet. Honestly, we haven't really been anxious for them to come yet, so I haven't been motivated to do those.. And, especially after the Tuesday appointment with MFM. So, here's the details of that appointment.

ok, then i went to see MFM, the next day. Babies are measuring 6 pounds 5 ounces (girl) and 5 pounds 11 ounces (boy) - so exciting ! Carlos and I placed bets on the way over, but we both bet low. (Good thing we are not setting too high expectations for our babies already!)

Then we started talking about the induction. MFM saw no reason to induce before 38 weeks. She advised that I share with BD that I want to wait until Friday. I told her that Tuesday is induction day because of doctor's on call schedule - she said, ok, then wait until the next tuesday.

She said, now, barring any other risks, i am fine with you going to 38 weeks, or 38 weeks 4 days. MFM does want to make sure i do NSTs weekly - and she mentioned NST A (maybe including checking water level?) and of course, I had already cancelled my monday appointment.. based on the Tuesday induction plan.

She made it clear that if i wanted to go to 39 - which i don't - that she would want to talk more about that. but that she supports
not inducing on tuesday. she advised that i talk to BD and tell her what i'm thinking. She said that she would write in her report to BD abt our conversation and share that its ultimately up to OB, but that she doesn't see a need for induction on tuesday, based on history of high blood pressure or twin delivery status.

i told sheppard about one of the reasons I want to keep them in as long as
possible was what my doula midwife told me about their growth and neurological development, and she very much agreed and supported that.

ok THEN.. i shared with her about the pitocin/epidural thing, and she said "i actually advise my twin moms to get an epidural" - and we had that conversation. She mentioned also about Baby B's potential for breech extraction (he's transverse right now, not sure which way he'll go) and that being extremely painful and she said that even with hypnobirthing and relaxation and all
that, i might not be able to relax my pelvis and the doctor will need that in order to get the boy out.

She also mentioned if a c-section is needed that it would be better of course, to have had the epidural already. (i knew that.) Otherwise, it's "Michael Jackson knock out."

She also said that other medication that they might have to give me for pain (i guess she means like stadol? or maybe narcotics) WOULD get to the baby, so that's not good.

ok, so know i'm confused. and i know I need to do whatever i am going to do today. if i want to change my tuesday appointment, I need to call the office today and talk about that.

or, i don't know.

and the epidural decision, i guess i don't have to make
that decision right this second, but I do want to talk with you about it and get your thoughts. MFM said, maybe don't get it right away, but wait until you are further along...

So, that's the note I wrote early Friday morning. I talked through all this and prayed about it and tried not to think about, and finally decided. And then I've questioned my decision a hundred times since then. The decision is in the next post.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Perspective from the other (better) Doctor

So Carlos and I went to the doc today for an appointment with the other doctor (the more experienced, more natural one)

I feel so much better about everything after talking with her.

She does agree that she doesn't want me to go past 38 weeks. The main reason being the risk of the placenta giving out, which happens in twins moms when they go to late, complicated by the fact that I have a *history* of high blood pressure. I was a little bothered by the fact that my history before I was pregnant affects this pregnancy, but I do understand the risk. I have never had high blood pressure since retrieval day in May of 2009. However, it's normal for women on labeatolol to deliver early, often 38 weeks for singletons and 36 for twins. ANd they are "letting me" go unitl 37 weeks 4 days.

She had a much better manner about presenting the options, and I really appreciated. First of all, she presented OPTIONS... not just here's what we are going to do.

She checked my cervix and i'm 2 cm dilated and 80% effaced. She thinks breaking my water may be all that is needed in order for contractions to start on thier own. So she proposed if I don't go into labor naturally before then, that I'll come in Tuesday morning (rather than Monday afternoon), she'll break my water, and we'll just wait for contractions to start naturally. She offered that we may want to consider a low dose of pitocin if labor doesn't start naturally after several hours, but oferred that as a conversation we'll have if we need to. I love this woman.

Anyway, the non-stress test went well. I tell the babies they shoudl come this weekend, and they will never have to do a non stress test again. I know they don't appreciate it very much. (And frankly, it's kind of annoying for me, too.)

So, the one thing I found intersting is discussing delivery of the placenta. My doctor said that sometimes we need to give pitocin after delivery of the placenta in order to get the iterus to contract in order to have have mom hemorraging. This often hapens in twin moms because of the stress of the uterus from twin birth. I'm thinking contractions AFTER i've given birth to TWO BABIES?? I ask her, "How long do these contractions last?" I'm thinking she is going to give me a number between 1 and 30... and minutes... and she says..

You'll have contractions for about a month.

WHAT? Ok, my friends with babies... you didn't tell me about this! Tell me more, please. This is the first I've heard of that!

Anyway, thanks for reading the latest in the saga... I am so blessed and happy to still be pregnant. Everyone looks at me and says, you must be so ready.. Funny, I'm really not. Still have a to-do list and some work to finish up before they come! But of course, it will all be fine whenever they come!

Friday, April 16, 2010

36 week update - induction scheduled :(


Well, today marks 36 weeks... I am thrilled, and it's starting to get very real that these babies will be here soon!

At no time was it more real than when last Monday the doctor told me she wanted to schedule induction for Monday the 26th. It was not a happy conversation AT ALL. Background is that there are two doctors at my practice, there is the one I LOVE, and then there is this doctor that I saw last Monday that started this conversation.

I handled myself very well, but I was not happy at all with the conversation.

She walked through the process. I would come in at 9 pm the night before, she would use a cervical ripening agent (either cervidil, cytotec or a follie bulb) and then allow me to sleep and then I would wake up and get pitocin the next morning.

Side note - google cytotec if you want to know why I'm against that. Even the manufacturer of the drug says "do not use on pregnant women!"

This whole thing goes completely against my birth plan. My plan of laboring at home, not being hooked up to machines, trying different positions during labor.. etc.

I am completely comfortable with changes to my birth plan.. I just wasn't really prepared for a change to my birth plan 3 weeks in advance. when I am zero centimeters dilated with a long cervix and I haven't even had a single contraction -- not even Braxton Hicks!

So, I wasn't really prepared.

And I don't think the doc handled the whole thing very well.

For one thing, she told me that contractions induced by pitocin are no different than contractions which come on naturally. Which is like completely false. Like it's not even a statement of opinion. It's a fact that it's false. Oh by the way, this woman has NEVER been pregnant. So, she really doesn't know.

I talked to my doula (who is actually a midwife) and she was very very supportive. We will try to start labor naturally this coming week with acupuncture, sex, whatever, hypnotherapy, prayer, anything.

I completely realize that people have epidurals and that is their choice, and i completely respect that. And everything is completely fine with their births. It's just not my choice. I read and studied and learned and decided this is what i wanted to do.. barring any health problems. ANd the babies are not in any danger. My blood pressure is still perfect, the non stress test results are perfect. Everything is fine.

Ok, seriously I am so happy and blessed to be pregnant, to have made it to 36 weeks, to have this incredible opportunity. I do realize I sound like i may be complaining. I'm sort of just venting. I'm so thankful.

Whatever happens will happen and I will embrace it as the birth that I was supposed to have. And as long as the babies are okay, I'm thrilled.

Thanks for listening!

Monday, April 5, 2010

my Great Deal at Babies R Us

I promised to tell you about my deal at Babies R Us.

I haven't really written that much on here about my deal-finding obsession. It truly is an obsession. It's actually more like an affliction, really, if I were to be honest. We usually get "the best" stuff. But, I never, ever pay full price for anything. I always use coupons. I seek out ways to get a good deal, and I get a deal on EVERYTHING.

I'm not kidding, it borders on obnoxious quite frequently.

So, when I got an email for 20 percent off one nursery item at Babies R Us, and knew that we needed mattresses, I told Carlos that we had to go that day. It was a Wednesday and it was a one day only sale for Rewards R Us members.

He obliges me in my quest for deals quite frequently, and actually I've trained him quite well. He uses the credit cards with the best rewards, He always asks if we have gift cards for stores before he goes, and always remembers to give the loyalty number when he shops, even when the loyalty card is registered in my (former) last name and not his. For the sake of my deal-making happiness, he endures being called Mr. Gabby. No, you can't have him. He's mine.

So, I print two coupons, thinking we will each use one in a separate transaction. And trust me, they won't even try to say we can't use two coupons with the same Rewards number. I'll be ready.

So, we go there and after we find the mattresses we want and have them sent to the front of the store, we decide to look at car seats. I'm thinking at this point, "How am I going to get the multiples discount, if I have to do two different transactions?" My wheels are turning. But I digress..

My mom had already told us she wanted to buy us car seats, so I just wanted to make sure they would definitely be in stock. We planned to come the morning of the shower, (three days later) and she wanted to be able to take them to the shower. So, we go to the car seat section and start looking around. So, just to be clear, my deal-making attitude does not mean i always buy the cheapest, no, almost never. Carlos and I (and really, especially Carlos) like to have the best. So, yeah, we were getting the Chicco KeyKit 30. I just like to get it cheaper than everyone else.

So, we're looking at the car seats, and of course, since we are buying two, I ask about the multiples discount. All of a sudden, this salesclerk transforms herself into a version of me right before my very eyes, and we go sit down together to try to figure out how to get the BEST.DEAL.EVER on these carseats. This is also the point where Carlos dismisses himself to go to Williams-Sonoma, the other errand on our list. He can tell this isn't going to be quick. Yes, Williams-Sonoma. My husband is a gourmet cook. With no brothers.

I'll skip all the ensuing back and forth where I get so excited at the thought of stacking all these discounts, and just share what we did.

So, of course, we leave the mattresses there that night, and plan to buy them when we come back. What a rookie i was to think that a one-day coupon at BRU had any value whatsoever.

So, here's what we do.

We use ALL of the following discounts on every item:

1. 15 percent off registry completion discount off all transactions for an entire day. She says, i'll let you use your registry completion discount as long as your due date is within one month. We check. I had put May 14th, which is my official 40-week due date. She says immediately, ok, well just change this to APril 15th. Cool. You can always change it back. I am loving this woman.

2. Then we talk about the credit card. I'm opening one for sure. 15 percent off everything. All transactions for an entire day. At toys r us and babies r us.

3. Then I mention that I heard that you can use competitor coupons there. I confirm with her, and decide right then and there that I will never again go to BRU without a 20 percent off Bed Bath and Beyond coupon. Yes, those count.

4. Oh yeah, multiples discount. 10 percent off when you buy two of the same thing in gear, furniture, etc (basically big ticket items) I'm having twins and need two. But this discount on a big ticket item could make me find another mom that needs the same thing I need and go in together. (I told you it was an obsession.)

Ok, so anyway... my receipt... shoot, can't find it right now, but my total was like 370 something, and at the bottom is says, You saved 280 something. Score!

So, I decide right then and there that we are getting everything left on our registry in another shopping trip, when I apply for a credit card for Carlos and have a coupon for each item again.

Seriously, this is my passion. If you have any questions about how to get stuff cheaper - anything, doesn't have to be baby stuff (really I'm pretty new at the baby stuff - let me know.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

decision - cord blood banking

Ok, if you decided to do cord blood banking, you might want to skip this update.

I am so excited that we have finally made the decision not to do it.

Carlos had been in charge of cord blood banking and figuring out which company to go with. he did all the research, but when it was time to make a decision, I suggested negotiating and trying to get a deal with whatever company we decided on. Carlos of course, reminded me that negotiating and deal-making was my territory, not his. It's one of those things that he loves and appreciates about me, but really doesn't want to watch. (I've got to post an update about our recent trip to Babies R Us.)

So, anyway, got all the information.. And was about to make the calls when I had posted a random update to my "pregnancy-after-infertility" support group, just listing the list of things we'd left to do.

One of the women responded basically by saying: My opinion: Don't waste your money.

She posted a link to the American Academy of Pediatrics statement. I'll paste it here, too, at the bottom.

Honestly, we would do anything for our babies, but I admit that i was looking for a reason NOT to spend the money. It's A LOT of money, especially with twins. So, done, got my answer, and i just feel better about not having that as one more thing to do.

And Carlos says we can use the money for some help once the babies get here. I'm thinking post partum doula or night nanny at least a night or two a week for a few weeks. I think that would help A LOT.

So, if you are also looking for a reason not to do it, hope that helped. Of course, there are lots of reasons to do it, this is just our decision. And lots of people I very much respect are doing it - including my OB and many friends.

Below is text from the statement.
Cord blood stem cell banks can provide an invaluable service to those
afflicted with leukemia and immune disorders. The American Academy of
Pediatrics (AAP) encourages families to donate their newborn’s cord
blood, which is normally discarded at birth, to cord blood banks (if
accessible in their area) for use by other individuals in need.
Storing cord blood at private banks for later personal or family use
as a general “insurance policy” is discouraged.

According to the revised AAP policy statement, “Cord Blood Banking for
Potential Future Transplantation,” the chances of a child needing his
or her own cord blood stem cells in the future are estimated to range
from one in 1,000 to one in 200,000. Private cord blood banks target
parents at an emotionally vulnerable time when the reality is most
conditions that might be helped by cord blood stem cells already exist
in the infant’s cord blood. However, the AAP does recommend private
cord blood banking for parents who have an older child with a
condition that could potentially benefit from transplantation, such as
a genetic immunodeficiency.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

boring update - 33 weeks

I have once again been so bad about blogging.

I have so much to be thankful for and wanted to document an update.

I am 33 weeks and 4 days and feel great!

I think I overdid it last night, and my back started hurting really bad. And every night I have some discomfort and can't get comfortable sleeping or sitting. But, all in all, it's not that bad!

I weight myself this morning, and I have officially crossed the 40-pound mark. I have gained 40 pounds. I am measuring from the heaviest I have been since retrieval. Even though i lost some weight in the beginning. Gosh I hope I can lose this weight fairly quickly. Not because I'm vain, just because I don't know what I'm going to wear.

I'm posting a photo of my baby shower cake. It was awesome. If there is any interest, I might post a belly picture one of these days. (I know I cant be trusted with my sporadic posts)

I do not feel ready AT ALL to have these babies. We have not registered for cord blood banking yet, don' t have several things like changing table pad, baby monitor, car seat protectors, mobile, humidifier, noise maker, diaper bag, or rocker/glider. And we still have two more hypnobirthing classes! My mantra is now 38 weeks and 7 pounds each. I talk to the babies and ask them nicely to stay in until the end of April, but I know they will come whenever they are ready!

Oh yeah, and we don't have any bottles. Which I don't plan to use, since I plan to exclusively breastfeed, but I'm thinking I should have some just in case. Should I?

I have an awesome gift card from Target that my coworkers gave me at my work shower to buy above items, just need to get off my butt and go there and get them. I'm still working, so after a long day, I just want to lay down and watch American Idol.

This is a boring update, I know. I'll post again soon!

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

30 week appointment

Ok, I said I would update, and here I am!

This one is going to be bullet point format.

Went to the doc today for a checkup. I met with one of the midwives that I had not met before. At my practice, there are 4 midwives and two docs. They all are on a rotation. If you are a singleton mama, you deliver with whoever is on rotation. If you're a twin mama like me, you get one of the doctors. I LOVE one of the doctors a little more than I love the other one, so I am hoping to get her. I need to give these women some names.

ANyway, but for this prenatal appointment, I couldn't get either one of the doctors, so I got one of the midwives. She was wonderful, so it was fine.

I asked lots of questions...

1. My fundal height? 38 weeks! i am measuring 38 weeks. It is so funny the things that you hear. People say all the time, "You're not that big at all!" Well, actually, yeah, I am. I'm measuring like someone who is about to pop, and I'm not planning on popping for 6 more weeks!

2. Speaking of that, I didn't ask, but the midwife said I should expect to deliver around 36-37 weeks. She thought the babies were good size (2 pounds 10 pounds each at the 28 week appointment) that my uterus would get so big that it woudl just be ready. It was nice to sort of have a "professional" opinion on this. Although, I know it's just an opinion. But i'm sort of thinking April 16th in my head.. That's 36 weeks.

3. Can I wear my own clothes for labor and delivery? Sure, you can wear whatever you want. So, here's my question to the blogosphere... is anyone planning to wear their own clothes, or did anyone? Any pros and cons, what to wear?

4. Random thing. In the waiting room before the appointment, Carlos and I made a list of all the things we have to do in the next 6 weeks and beyond.. It feels like so much, but getting it all down on google docs made it better.

5. When I came home, I researched prices on diapers and went ahead and bought them. 240 Pampers Swaddlers for Newborn for 52.95. Wow - diapers are expensive. Amazon is a great deal, thought. Love the free shipping!

6. The babies are moving so much! And they do not like the non-stress test. I felt bad for them as they really go crazy moving all around when the tech tries to get the heartbeats set on both of them. I feel like the machine is so old fashioned. Finally we just said forget it, and unstrapped me. I would LOVE to know what these babies are thinking.

7. My babies also LOVE American Idol. Well, here I go, guessing that movement means they love it. Which I just contradicted myself, because they moved a ton during the non-stress test, and I assumed that meant they didn't like it. Wow. Will I be deciding for myself what they like and don't like their whole lives? Ha ha. But I swear, the most active part of the day is when we are watching American Idol. And Carlos sang to them Let It Be after American Idol, and they started to calm down. It was really nice, because I love it when they move, but sometimes I also like them calm. I'm sure this will be the case when they are here, too.

Ok, i know this was a lame update, but I'm trying to remember all this stuff, and I'm going to get better at writing everyday, so it's not always going to be exciting!

THANKS a ton for the stroller ideas - I'm going to look into them.. Now..what are you wearing for labor and delivery? The standard issue hospital gown or something else? Can't wait to hear!

Monday, March 8, 2010

Long Overdue Update


I have been so remiss in keeping the blog updated.. and there is so much I want to share and remember. This will most likely be our only pregnancy, so I really want to remember the feelings, decisions, preparation.. all of it.

Also, I have gotten amazing advice from other mothers of multiples.. and if I don't write all of this down, i won't be able to help others that come after me!

(I have heard more than one mother tell me you lose your memory after you have kids, so I must start capturing all of this, or else it will be gone forever!)

So, today I am 30 weeks and 3 days! Oh my! I had to go look at my blog to tell me. I actually thought I was still 29 weeks and something. (Does the memory loss start before birth?)

I am really feeling great! Sure, I have the occasional (read: trying to be positive, but I really mean constant) back pain. And, oh, I have trouble sleeping (read: I literally wake up every 45 minutes to go to the bathroom. And repositioning three pillows each time I come back to bed in my sleepy state is far from easy) .. but really, all things considered I feel great!

I am no longer worried about pre-term labor. I feel very comfortable that my babies will come when they are ready. I really trust my body and these babies to do the right thing and come when they are ready.

I am actually thankful for our IVF experience for teaching me about trusting my body. Doing IVF and being successful on our natural frozen cycle gave me confidence in my body. Being successful on our FET, after all we went through also gave me confidence in these babies. Since it was our second try at IVF, these are not the two "best" embryos, they are the "second best." (according to the embryology grading) These babies survived fertilization and ICSI. They survived biopsy of one of their cells when they only had 8. They survived poking and prodding by our fabulous embryologist. They survived being frozen for three months. And then they survived being thawed out. And they knew enough to dig in, implant and hang on in my uterus. They are wonderful little babies!

And they will come when they are ready.

But on that note, babies, Please don't come soon.. because we are not ready either!

It's amazing how much there is to do before they come. I keep reminding myself of all there is to do, and then I have to remind myself that not EVERYTHING is absolutely essential. Yes, we need a rug for the concrete-stained floor in the nursery. However, I don't expect that they will come out walking, and tummy time probably won't be happening right away either, so if we don't have a rug and they come home, it's really okay.

However, we will need diapers. I do need to get the birth plan done. We need to sign up and get the supplies for the cord blood registry thing. I need some nursing bras. We need mattresses for the cribs. We need to decide on a pediatrician. (Not that we can't change after they are are here, though) Oh yeah, and at some point, the babies will need names. They can't go by A and B or girl and boy forever.

And a stroller. Stroller is on the top of our "OOPS!" list. Here's the story.. We bought this fancy new-to-us crossover SUV that we just love. And I went to buy the Double Snap and Go from another mother of twins. Mind you, for those not in the know.. the Double Snap and Go is the ONLY stroller on the market, uh, the only stroller in existence that works for infant twins. The only one. Never in a thousand years did I think that it But nope, it won't. So, therefore, we have no stroller options. And I am not carrying two of them in thier car seats. Not humanly possible. And although I do plan to be a baby-wearer, i don't think I'll be a babies-wearer.. Uh, yeah.. and we're not buying another car. And two strollers.. not exactly practical for all the time.. So.. what do do?

My wonderful husband to the rescue.. He decides he has the perfect solution.. and really it is. We will get a hitch put on the car and install a bike rack. And the double snap and go.. (it's really just a frame that two infant car seats fit into) will fit on the bikerack. There will even enable room in the back trunk for other stuff. It's brilliant really. And I'm sure the bike rack idea was not at all motivated by the fact that my husband has been a cyclist for like 10 years and perhaps could also use the bike rack to go on a bike ride with one of his 5 or 6 bikes. It's brilliant, really and dual-purpose. And will work perfectly. Now I just need to get a hold of that mom again and tell her I still want her DSAG.

ok, this post is long enough... and I've rambled on about nothing.

Next time I'm going to talk about our plans for a drug-free natural birth of these babies. Because I am so so exited about it! Let me first say that I respect everyone's choice around this.. and that there is no medal for natural childbirth, and I'm not looking to be a hero or anything.. this is just my choice.. and I believe I can do it, and that we are uniquely made for it. So no judgment of anyone else's choices whatsoever.. but I will look forward to sharing my thoughts and hearing yours.

Hold me accountable. I'm going to write again tomorrow. I have a doctor appointment, so I'll be able to write about that.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Measurements and Update

Wow - it's been a while since I blogged.. I have GOT to get better at this..

Well, first of all, since I know you all are curious... I am 100% better/cured from my hemorroids. What a relief! And I did not have to have surgery!

The medication that my OB gave me helped A TON, and I started taking fiber and major increased my water intake. I used lidocaine, hydrocortisone, Tucks, and a suppository that was not pleasant, but did the trick. Honestly, three days of that, and they shrunk to a completely normal size. I still have them, but they are just a minor inconvenience and not making me wish I could die. Ok, it wasn't that bad, but it seriously hurt to walk, to sit, to stand, to move, EVERYTHING.

But I'm all better, so please if you know anyone that stopped reading my blog due to my graphic butt posts.. hee hee.. they can resume now..

In other news, wanted to share a momentous occasion from last week.. So there I was getting measured. I was quite curious, I hadn't been measured, since I was about 16 weeks, and I knew I had grown.

So, she says... Looks like you are... Thirty-eight..

Oh My!

And the next words out of her mouth were Double D.

Yes, I was at Soma, getting measured for a new bra. If you can stand TMI, I was a 36C before this pregnancy.. and I knew I'd gotten bigger.. but wow - it's kinda weird to be a DD. And to know that I have many many weeks to go (planning on that, anyway!) and I'm going to get bigger!

Which is fine, I just need to add maternity and nursing bras as a line item on the household budget! I really want to try to BF my twins for as long as possible and solely, if possible, so I guess I am happy my "feeders" are growing and getting ready to produce milk for them.

Speaking of, Carlos and I went to a breastfeeding class and a hospital tour this week. And I went to my first Mothers of Multiples meeting. I'll be blogging about those this week.

I'm really interested in natural childbirth and love to read stories of natural childbirth of twins. If you know of any, I'd love to hear about it. Of course, I'll do what is best for the babies and me, but it's a goal on which I'd like to educate myself. Would love to hear your thoughts.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Wow - I'm not crazy

First of all, if you are new here from ICLW, welcome! You can read a short version of our story or a little about me, or just dive right in!

So, I know my post about my pain in my butt was rather unappetizing...can you stand one more? I promise this one will not be as graphic!

Some of you know that we were living in two places for the past year and a half.. our home in Texas, and our temporary home in California. Since we will have the babies in Texas, and the doc says no travel after 6 months, our time in California came to an end this week.

So, my last week in California.. not a good week for me to be in so much pain. I relly wanted to enjoy myself, had lunch and dinner plans each day, and a lot of packing and errand-running to do. I flew home yesterday, and Carlos is driving cross-country with a carful of stuff we accumulated over our California Adventure.

Early Friday morning before my flight, Carlos made me call the OB and see if I can get in. I was bleeding constantly, and he was concerned about infection. I am so thankful that I know exactly where the blood is coming from.

I was able to make an appointment, and due to airline delays, I was only 30 minutes late. The delay worked in my favor, though, as I got to see the main doctor that leads the practice and not the midwife. It was my first time to meet her.

The nurse that took me to the waiting room asked what I was coming in for and then shared that, yep, she had them too, and oh yes, they are bad, and they never go away. I'm like, what? They never go away?? She says, well, my son is 5 years old. That's all I can say.

I am sitting there thinking how does anyone deal with this kind of pain for 5 years? Other people have said the same thing. Oh yeah, most pregnant women get them. Yeah, they hurt and are uncomfortable. Hmmm.. I'm sorry.

So, I laid on my side on my side and waited for the doctor. I told her about the pain. I explained that when I am sitting it hurts, there is a bit of a dull pain constantly, even when I find a comfortbale position. But then when I have to move, even if I just move my my big toe, I get a shooting pain up my body starting at my butt.

After listening intently to me (I LOVE this woman) she says, "Let's take a look."

The first words out of her mouth made me cry. She said, "Oh wow. I compleltely see why you are in so much pain. We need to get you to a general surgeon. These are not normal hemmoroids. Have you seen them?"

For a brief moment, I thought about telling her I had Carlos take a photo, but it was really easier just to say no. Our little secret, ok, blogosphere?

She grabbed a mirror and showed me. She said. "Normal" hemmorroids are about one tenth the size of those. By now I have two, each the size of a large grape. Like we are talking the California ones that are really big and sweet.

So, she starts telling me about the soctor and says that I will need to tell the surgeon that I'm pregnant, and we might need to consider delaying the surgery until I'm further along in the pregnancy, since there is a chance, albeit small, that I would have to deliver during the surgery if something goes wrong.

That scares me a little bit, but honestly, at this point I feel so much better knowing this is not normal. That I really don't have to deal with this daily excrutiatng pain for the next 5 years. That what I have been through this week is not a normal part of pregnancy. That my feelings and pain were validated. My hemorroids are severely painfully out of the ordinary and that requires a specialist and proabbly surgery.

She also told me, yeah, your over the counter stuff you've been using, yes, that's not goign to help. So, she also called in a prescription suppository and a numbing agent with lidocaine, that I will be picking up from the pharmacist today. Funny, my first thought, was "suppositories, nothing new, I did that in my first trimester with the progesterone." But, oh, different kind of suppositories. Wow. Ok, I guess I'll figure that out, too. Oopss.. was that TMI?

Anyway, that's the update from here. I should code these posts about this topic so you can skip them if you want, but I will continue the saga after I am able to get an appointment with the surgeon, hopefully early next week.

I am so so thankful for these babies! They are moving a lot, and it makes me so so happy.

Now off, to read some blogs! Please let me know you were here. Thanks for reading!

Welcome ICLW

Hello, hello, ICLWers!

It's my favorite time of the month, ICLW. Time to get to read new blogs and maybe make some new friends reading my blog. I have learned so so much from the blogosphere on this journey, and for that I am incredibly grateful.

It is not lost on me AT ALL that ICLW is sponsored by Stirrup Queens, and our leader Mel's site is an incredible resource for the ALI community. I absolutely still consider myself a part of the ALI community, even though I am now expecting twins. When you go through the unfilled desire to get pregnant ad the lovely things we learn, hear and do along the journey, it changes you forever. So, I know I may have some visitors that are on a different place than we are.

I hope my blog can provide hope, ideas, comfort, a resource, or whatever it is you need at this moment. Sometimes I turned to the blogosphere for just a distraction, something to get my mind of our own "issues." I look forward to reading your story.

A little about my story.. We conceived our twins through the help of IVF/ICSI, and PGD. My husband and I don't have a "infertile" diagnosis, per se, but we didn't try very long before finding out our chances of having a child with cystic fibrosis were 1 in 4. So, we went the route of IVF and PGD without trying any other conception methods. We are so grateful to have been successful on our 2nd try - a natural frozen cycle. SO, here we are in my 25th week, enjoying pregnancy for the post part. Right now, I'm dealing with some pain, which I wrote about in my last post, and have a continuation of the story to share in he next post, but all in all, of course, it's worth it.

Thanks for stopping by!

Monday, January 18, 2010

symptoms the blogosphere didn't tell me about


So, I returned yesterday from a great girls weekend in San Francisco and Napa Valley. Telling you about all our experiences, the amazine dinner, the wine tasting, laughs, the fun.. that would make a great blog post and would be lovely to read about.

However, I'm not writing about that. When I got home, I met a new pregnancy symptom. And that's the topic of this blog post.

My butt pain.

I have been pretty good about not being graphic on this blog, so if you don't think you want to read about my butt paid, feel free to stop reading. I'll return to regular scheduled programming with the next blog post, where I'll talk about yoga, my growing belly, or perhaps, our thoughts on child care.

Back to this post.

So, I'm unpacking from the trip, and I'm thinking, "you know I have this burning sensation in my butt. Is this normal? I don't feel like I have to go, it's not constipation. I know what constipation feels like. (Coincidentally, speaking of constipation, I think that will be the next segment in this new series, symptoms the blogosphere didn't tell me about.)

So, I decide to call the Nurse Line. My insurance company has this 24-hour nurse line staffed by maternity nurses. I figure they are probably sitting around waiting to hear about my butt pain, so, let's see what they say.

I get Nurse Jackie. She tells me, pregnancy can be uncomfortable and painful sometimes, especially first time pregnancy and, as she scans her computer screen and notices my the box marked multiples is checked, she exclaims, "especially for twin moms!"

Nurse Jackie continues, "So there is a lot of movement and discomfort and weight of the babies on your pelvis and anus, and sometimes that can cause pain."

She also explained hemorroids, which I had heard of, but never really knew about.

She told me to switch positions if I wasn't comfortable and wished me "Feel Better" as we ended the phone call.

I yelled for Carlos to discuss the situation. "It hurts so bad," I said, "Can you look?" Thank God I didn't marry a man that I didn't feel comfortable asking to look at my butt.

Me: OK, just tell if you can see anything out of the oridinary, leaning over.

Carlos, probably thinking, "this is the first time I've inspected your butt in this way, how am I suppsed to know if anythign is different?

Me: Tell me what it looks like. Is it red? Inflamed?

He is looking and I'm trying to separate to give him a better view, even though it hurts. I remembered something the nurse said. "Do you see grapes?"

Carlos: Yes, I see a grape.

Me: What? Seriously. I wanna see.

Carlos. Ok, hang on.

He knows what this means and goes for the digital camera. Yes, I was asking my husband to take a photo of my buttcrack. What did we do before digital cameras? Yes, I know, we deprived ourselves of these amazing husband-takes-photo-of-wife's-butt-experiences.

After i hear the sound of the shutter, I'm like, Ok, give me the camera.

OHIGOSH.. So I saw it. Yes, a grape. On the outside. I have a hemorroid!!


But at least I knew what it was. So, I called back Nurse Jackie and asked her what to do about it. She told me of Tuck's witch hazel and sitz baths. She also told me that they usually go away after delivery.

I'm thinking.. what? I was sorta hoping I'd buy this Tucks stuff, sit in the bath, and it would go away after dinner!

So, it hasn't gone away. I slept with like 10 pillows, finally getting comfortable, and now I'm leaning on my side, while I type this, and I do think I'm going to live.

But, man, never knew about this symptom. I had to prepare the rest of you for this exciting part of mom-dom.

Yes, I am 100% sure this is all more than worth it. Thank God for our babies!

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

starting to like this - full cirlce

Ok, I didn't admit it before.. but I didn't really *like* being pregnant for the first 19 weeks. It was really tough for me to admit, because I felt like I should LOVE this.. everyone loves being pregnant. I wanted so bad to be pregnant, why wasn't I soo happy to be pregnant?

OF COURSE, I loved that I was expecting. I loved knowing that two babies were coming. I loved ultrasounds and reading books about the babies and my pregnancy. But I did not like that my clothes didn't fit, that I didn't look pregnant, and that I was so so so tired all the time. Oh yeah, and that I didn't really know what I could eat and couldn't eat. and I was constantly calling my husband and asking him. And there was all the work questions about what to do/who to tell, etc. (Yes, I realized I was whining here.)

However, all that changed when I started showing. I mean, really really showing. Between December 20th and January 4th, I gained 10 pounds. 10 pounds in 13 days. Pretty impressive, huh? Since I'd only really gained about 8 pounds the entire pregnancy up to that point, I'm not too worried about too much weight gain. I'll tell the doc about it on Thursday, though.

But now, there is no hiding it at all. I have a major baby bump. Everyone notices. And that is fun. Carlos rubs my belly every morning and says, "How are my babies?"

I've figured out what I can eat. The fatigue is over. I love being pregnant now. I'd like to stay pregnant for many many more weeks.

Anything anyone else wants to admit or confess? Maybe someone will tell you how it will change and you will feel better. I wish I told ya'll earlier, I'm sure someone would have told me just to wait, it will get better.