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Monday, May 24, 2010

New perspective

One is swaddled and sleeping and I'm wearing the other as she sleeps, so instead of eating myself or sanitizing pump parts or washing bottles, or eating something, I thought I would finally finish the blog post I started yesterday...

It's been so long since I've blogged, and I'm so sad. I really want to keep track of all these thoughts and persepctives and milestones. I'm going to try harder to blog as often as possible. They are growing so fast. I can't believe this week, they will be one month old.

Today I am by myself. It's actually been nice. I mean, it's so so so hard (and I really need to write about that - hoping I have some future twin mommas reading, and I can share with you how hard it is), but today I heard a song that just changed my perspective, just a bit.

So I mentioned that it's hard, right? The breastfeeding, the pumping, so, so so hard. So, I am frequently thinking about the future.. looking forward to when it gets easier. I see my friends' posts on Facebook with their 10-pound, 3 week old babies, and I think oh it will be easier then, when my babies get bigger.

And I admit, I find myself jealous of others that have it easier, singleton moms, people that have lots of help, and moms who are not trying to get mostly breastmilk in two babies. They have it so good, I think!

I see three month olds, and I think, oh gosh, they can leave the house with them! I even see newborns that wiegh 9 pounds at birth, and I think, "they have it so much easier, my babies are so tiny!"

And I google "first social smile" - and I think, I will look forward to that. That will be wonderful, will make it all worth it, when they can smile back at me. Because right now, they just cry at me, and don't appreciate anything I do for them.

Today, I had the TV off all day. I admit that it's usually on CNN as background noise (and I'm a news junkie) since it was off, I played music on my iPad.

I played this song, Let Them Be Little, (it's a country song, if you can stand country search You Tube to hear it). It's about letting kids be kids and not rushing them to grow up.

And I just started crying.

I need to cherish this time. Now I'm crying just typing this. Not a unique occurrence.

Another twin momma came over yesterday and held my sweet boy, and said, "I don't even remember when my babies were this little." And hers are only 9 months old.

Now I want time to stand still. I want to have every day be like this. They are so beautiful, so precious, so tiny, so, so sweet, so innocent. So, little. I will just let them be little. They are only this way for a while.