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Saturday, September 12, 2009

Thoughts the week between 4w and 5w

So here I am at 5 weeks, 1 day… Tomorrow I have my 3rd beta. I can't wait.

For the first week after confirming my pregnancy, I had all sorts of thoughts. I admit I’m a control freak. Infertility has tried to cure me of that, but it has not completely succeeded. So my mind is spinning, and I am thinking about all the things I am going to have to do, to plan, to buy, etc.. and wondering if it’s too early to wonder about this stuff… like, for example.
1. I have a million things to do to get ready for this baby. If I start doing them, will I be putting the cart before the horse, because what if it turns out, I go for my beta Sunday, and I’m not pregnant anymore.

2. We’re going to need a bigger car. Is it too early to begin researching a safe small SUVs or sedans?

3. Am I still pregnant? I don’t really feel pregnant. I’m too tired to go buy a pee stick to pee on, so I’ll just try not to think about it.

4. Birth options. Is it too early to start looking into a doula? How long in advance do you have to reserve them? I remember when planning my weding, I called the makeup artist first because I heard he books up 1.5 years in advance. I'm so glad I did because my date was already reserved! I only got lucky because someone else changed thier time. And my lesson was that I needed to plan earlier, contributing to my control-freak-ness. I also found out that some women reserve the wedding location and vendors, then find the man. Whatever.

5. I wonder if I’m still pregnant. How many days am I now? How many days until 12 weeks? Maybe I’ll put all these milestones on the Google calendar.

6. Oooh! Babymoon.. can I start planning that now? We’ll want to go somewhere international, and I’m sure we’ll want to use frequent flyer miles, so I should probably look into that now. Those free seats go very fast, especially if we want to fly first.

7. I am so attached to this pregnancy, I really hope I’m still pregnant. Maybe I better not plan anything and have to change plans. I really should get away from the computer and take a nap. I’m so tired. I hope that means I’m still pregnant.

8. Do I make an appointment with my OB for 10 weeks? Am I going to call when I get released from the OB and find out she can’t see me right away? Is it too early to call her?

9. I wonder if I’m still pregnant. I really really want to keep this baby. I hope I don’t start spotting or something. Oh, I feel something gust out of me. Is it the progesterone or blood? I better go check. Ok, white. Good. But that doesn’t mean I’m pregnant. Just means I am still doing the progesterone.

10. I want to do some Yoga. Oh crap, “they” say I can’t do Bikram anymore. I’m so barely pregnant. I’m sure it’s fine to do now, right? I’m not risking anything. I really really really want this baby.. Ok, prenatal yoga. When and where is the nearest prenatal yoga class? Is it too early to look into it? is it too early to show up? Will the real pregnant women think I’m crazy? Will they be right?

11. How big is my baby now? I think I'll go check. Oh, a poppy seed! So, probably not the reason I've gained two pounds this week, huh? I hope my little poppy seed is settling in. please don't leave me, poppy seed!

12. How will we decorate the nursery? Maybe i should start researching cribs and rockers and all that other baby crap. If i don't do it now, we might accidentally bring home the baby and not have anywhere to put it.

Ok, that's enough of the crazy thoughts going on in my head between 4weeks and 5 weeks. i promise to report on my beta number tomorrow. I might even make one of those cool charts. :)


donna said...

Honey, you just described the way your thought process is going to go for the next 9 months.

I am so happy and hopeful for you.

Jaymee said...

okay, i am already doing half of this and we have not even created embies yet. massive control freak insanity in this house. can't wait for your beta number!

Invivo said...

Sounds very very familiar. Good luck with Beta#3, hoping for a good result. As Donna said, I think these thoughts remain until we hold that baby/ies in our arms.

I'm scared of just looking, never mind buying!

Perhaps we'll just keep the babies in bed for the first few days and use kitchen towels for nappies, much more comfortable with that thought.

nada said...

I hope your poppy seed stick around for the next 8 months tightly, and then u will have time to sort all these ideas that are spinning in your mind now ...

good luck for beta#3 dear:)

'Murgdan' said...

Yep...that pretty much sums it up.

sophia said...

Ha! I loved reading this. It is so much like having a conversation with you. Hope all goes well today!

Pie said...

So basically you are saying the craziness from IF doesn't end when you get pregnant? Ugh, that sucks.

Joking aside, I think those are perfectly normal thoughts for where you are. Good luck at beta today, can't wait to hear the number!

Chrys and Mike said...

oh, you made me laugh. yes, you're totally normal. so, so thrilled for you. <3


KJ said...

You're allowed to have a million thoughts like this! Your life is about to change forever and its so exiting. I am so happy for you. Oh, and just so you know, having a kid does "dull" the control freak in you. At least it did in me. Its still there, just not as sharp as it used to be. Can't wait for the beta and more importantly, the first u/s.

Anonymous said...

such a cute--and very relate-able---post! thanks for sharing your thoughts...and congrats on your high beta #'s!! i can't wait to hear the results of your u/s.

Michele said...

I agree... These thoughts will stay with you the whole time. It's okay. And it is never too early to look at things. :)