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Tuesday, September 1, 2009

I'm ready to know! (but I don't)

So, it's Tuesday. There was a point yesterday morning where I couldn't imagine getting through even the next two days. But I did.

But let me start at the beginning..

My girls weekend was amazing! It was great to be with good girlfriends and relax and not constantly think about Am I pregnant or not? What if I'm not? So nice to have my mind off it for a few days.
Plus, my friends knew what i was going through, and it was just comfortable and easy to be around them..

Then, I came home. Reality set in.

On Monday morning, i don't know why.. i just lost it and I Needed.To.Know. Right.Then.

So, I decided to POAS. I was 6dp6dt, so, yeah, I know, it's early.But I thought, one of my blog freinds got a positive on 6dp6dt. So, it's possible. But it's actually a great time to test, because, well, shoot, it can't hurt. Even if it's negative, I won't be discouraged, because it's early. Just because I know someone who got a BFP on 6dp6dt, but that doesn't mean everyone does. I won't be discouraged, only thrilled if it's positive.

So, let's just see.

So I P'dOAS.

And I got nothen.

And I kinda lost it and started googling for 6dp6dt and trying to see what everyone else got. And I found lots and lots of faint lines on 6dp6dt and started to get sad and upset and realize that I'm probably not pregnant and maybe I'll never get pregnant and I'll have to work for the rest of my life and be childess and never have grandkids. And I don't want to work anymore.. and .. well, you know the downward spin cycle. The pity party began.

I went to show Carlos the negative test, and cried to him. He got mad at me and told me not to test anymore. And I tried to explain why POAS is a really good idea for me. Yeah, obviously. So, the pity party continued. Now, I just had a guest. Be glad none of you called me during this time. We would have had a major pity party of 3! Pity party and crying spells last for 5 more minutes..

Until I remembered that my embryos were frozen on day 5.

I was only 6dp5dt.... Everything changes.. Come here, Dr. Google.

And then I realized, that oh, yeah, and it's Monday, and transfer was Wednesday. It's only 5 days past transfer.

So, i wasn't 6dp6dt, I was 5dp5dt.

(I know you are all thinking, Pass the crack, Gabby. You are on drugs!)

All was better with my little world. And I decided to step away from the computer and go to work. I am very busy at work, and that has kept my mind off the wondering for the last two days. For the most part.

So, I was supposed to have Beta #1 this morning and Beta #2 on Thursday. But I had a business trip this morning for which I had to leave at 6:00 am. So I emailed my nurse coordinator and asked if I could change my betas to Wednesday and Friday.

So, I'll head in tomorrow at 7:30 for the blood test. I won't know the results until Friday. My clinic freezes and tests both blood samples after the second Beta. Friday I only work until noon, so I'll be home and out of work when i hear the results. Carlos and I will go away for Labor Day weekend... to either celebrate or.. commiserate. so I have that to look forward to either way.

Thanks a ton for following me. I love your comments and good wishes!


KJ said...

I am thinking of you lots. It seems like this one was so quick, but I guess that's how FETs go. I really really really want Friday to bring good news, more than anything, because I just know how this whole thing overtakes almost every moment of a person's thoughts. I don't wish it on anyone and the most I can do is just be here for support and let you know that I am thinking about it too.

Beautiful Mess said...

I was holding my breath the whole time I'm reading this! I finally let it out with relief and will wait until Friday with you!

Sending you everything I've got, hon!

Anonymous said...

I am hoping Friday is a good-news-day for you. I know very well how this bloody waiting gets you to the end of your wits where you are able to do anything, including weeing on sticks knowing perfectly well this is the way to ruining your mood and day/days.
Hold on.
Good things come to those who wait, they say.
Try to make it to Friday with your sanity intact. Or at least just a little bit chipped (perfect is overrated these days).

'Murgdan' said...

Uuuughhh. It's the worst part of the wait. Hang in there. It is still early.

Flower said...

Girl...I was running around in circles trying to anticipate what you were going to write next. Praying that you will see that second line soon.

B. said...

Two more measely days... you're almost done with the TWW! Way to go! Good luck, hang in there, and know I'm pulling for you!

BB said...

Oh the waiting sucks big time! But, you are almost there. My fingers crossed for you!

Jenn said...

Haha, I poas the same day at 5dp5dt and bfn for me too. I got all depressed, then realized that is really early. 2 more days...I hope we both get our BFPs!!

Pie said...

I can't wait til Friday! Keeping my fingers and toes crossed. Hang in there these last few days...

Brenna said...

I've been thinking about you! I hope Friday gets here can't come soon enough, I know. Glad you had some time away to speed the wait's so excrutiating. Just a few more days! YAY!

Anonymous said...

Hi Gabby!!

I loved seeing you and spending such great quality time with you at my house last week for our girls' weekend. Thank you so much for coming to visit and including me in your exciting journey.

Jeremiah 29:11 is one of my life verses that I keep very close to my heart. "For I know what I have planned for you, says the Lord. I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you a future filled with hope." I think that verse is perfect for you and Carlos right now.

My big news is that I went to the fertility doctor and started my medication on Monday. We are using estrogen pills and Provera rather than birth control pills. I am also taking Ganirelix instead of Lupron, so I am happy. My surrogate is already on b.c. pills and will take Lupron.

We have a tentative date to harvest my eggs on October 23rd and an Embryo Transfer day of October 26-28. So I am on the path now!!

I will keep following you on your blog. Love you friend!!


Michele said...

I know those feelings! I want to know too!!! I want to know for you!!! I cant wait!

Anonymous said...

friday is too far away...i can't wait that long. how are you doing it?!!! hoping with you and eagerly waiting to hear your news...

Anonymous said...

Wow, sounds like a crazy day! I think (in some ways) it is great that your clinic gets BOTH betas before they tell you - on the other hand I completely understand just wanting to know! Good luck - sending my best vibes your way.

Hillary said...

Good luck!

Angela said...

Good luck to you! Our betas are on the same days. My clinic doesn't freeze the sample, but doesn't tell us any news until Friday also. I find this more than just a little frustrating.

Heide said...

Soooo excited and have EVERYTHING crossed for you guys. I can't wait to hear your news tomorrow - sending you ALL our positive thoughts and prayers.

BTW - I never had a + HPT until 13 DPO with any of my little ones!


Graciy said...

I just found your blog and I wanted you to know that I am crossing my fingers for you. My husband has CF and I am a carrier so we have to do IVF as well. We start in Feb of next year.