Wow - I'm not crazy

First of all, if you are new here from ICLW, welcome! You can read a short version of our story or a little about me, or just dive right in!

So, I know my post about my pain in my butt was rather unappetizing...can you stand one more? I promise this one will not be as graphic!

Some of you know that we were living in two places for the past year and a half.. our home in Texas, and our temporary home in California. Since we will have the babies in Texas, and the doc says no travel after 6 months, our time in California came to an end this week.

So, my last week in California.. not a good week for me to be in so much pain. I relly wanted to enjoy myself, had lunch and dinner plans each day, and a lot of packing and errand-running to do. I flew home yesterday, and Carlos is driving cross-country with a carful of stuff we accumulated over our California Adventure.

Early Friday morning before my flight, Carlos made me call the OB and see if I can get in. I was bleeding constantly, and he was concerned about infection. I am so thankful that I know exactly where the blood is coming from.

I was able to make an appointment, and due to airline delays, I was only 30 minutes late. The delay worked in my favor, though, as I got to see the main doctor that leads the practice and not the midwife. It was my first time to meet her.

The nurse that took me to the waiting room asked what I was coming in for and then shared that, yep, she had them too, and oh yes, they are bad, and they never go away. I'm like, what? They never go away?? She says, well, my son is 5 years old. That's all I can say.

I am sitting there thinking how does anyone deal with this kind of pain for 5 years? Other people have said the same thing. Oh yeah, most pregnant women get them. Yeah, they hurt and are uncomfortable. Hmmm.. I'm sorry.

So, I laid on my side on my side and waited for the doctor. I told her about the pain. I explained that when I am sitting it hurts, there is a bit of a dull pain constantly, even when I find a comfortbale position. But then when I have to move, even if I just move my my big toe, I get a shooting pain up my body starting at my butt.

After listening intently to me (I LOVE this woman) she says, "Let's take a look."

The first words out of her mouth made me cry. She said, "Oh wow. I compleltely see why you are in so much pain. We need to get you to a general surgeon. These are not normal hemmoroids. Have you seen them?"

For a brief moment, I thought about telling her I had Carlos take a photo, but it was really easier just to say no. Our little secret, ok, blogosphere?

She grabbed a mirror and showed me. She said. "Normal" hemmorroids are about one tenth the size of those. By now I have two, each the size of a large grape. Like we are talking the California ones that are really big and sweet.

So, she starts telling me about the soctor and says that I will need to tell the surgeon that I'm pregnant, and we might need to consider delaying the surgery until I'm further along in the pregnancy, since there is a chance, albeit small, that I would have to deliver during the surgery if something goes wrong.

That scares me a little bit, but honestly, at this point I feel so much better knowing this is not normal. That I really don't have to deal with this daily excrutiatng pain for the next 5 years. That what I have been through this week is not a normal part of pregnancy. That my feelings and pain were validated. My hemorroids are severely painfully out of the ordinary and that requires a specialist and proabbly surgery.

She also told me, yeah, your over the counter stuff you've been using, yes, that's not goign to help. So, she also called in a prescription suppository and a numbing agent with lidocaine, that I will be picking up from the pharmacist today. Funny, my first thought, was "suppositories, nothing new, I did that in my first trimester with the progesterone." But, oh, different kind of suppositories. Wow. Ok, I guess I'll figure that out, too. Oopss.. was that TMI?

Anyway, that's the update from here. I should code these posts about this topic so you can skip them if you want, but I will continue the saga after I am able to get an appointment with the surgeon, hopefully early next week.

I am so so thankful for these babies! They are moving a lot, and it makes me so so happy.

Now off, to read some blogs! Please let me know you were here. Thanks for reading!

Welcome ICLW

Hello, hello, ICLWers!

It's my favorite time of the month, ICLW. Time to get to read new blogs and maybe make some new friends reading my blog. I have learned so so much from the blogosphere on this journey, and for that I am incredibly grateful.

It is not lost on me AT ALL that ICLW is sponsored by Stirrup Queens, and our leader Mel's site is an incredible resource for the ALI community. I absolutely still consider myself a part of the ALI community, even though I am now expecting twins. When you go through the unfilled desire to get pregnant ad the lovely things we learn, hear and do along the journey, it changes you forever. So, I know I may have some visitors that are on a different place than we are.

I hope my blog can provide hope, ideas, comfort, a resource, or whatever it is you need at this moment. Sometimes I turned to the blogosphere for just a distraction, something to get my mind of our own "issues." I look forward to reading your story.

A little about my story.. We conceived our twins through the help of IVF/ICSI, and PGD. My husband and I don't have a "infertile" diagnosis, per se, but we didn't try very long before finding out our chances of having a child with cystic fibrosis were 1 in 4. So, we went the route of IVF and PGD without trying any other conception methods. We are so grateful to have been successful on our 2nd try - a natural frozen cycle. SO, here we are in my 25th week, enjoying pregnancy for the post part. Right now, I'm dealing with some pain, which I wrote about in my last post, and have a continuation of the story to share in he next post, but all in all, of course, it's worth it.

Thanks for stopping by!

symptoms the blogosphere didn't tell me about

Hello!

So, I returned yesterday from a great girls weekend in San Francisco and Napa Valley. Telling you about all our experiences, the amazine dinner, the wine tasting, laughs, the fun.. that would make a great blog post and would be lovely to read about.

However, I'm not writing about that. When I got home, I met a new pregnancy symptom. And that's the topic of this blog post.

My butt pain.

I have been pretty good about not being graphic on this blog, so if you don't think you want to read about my butt paid, feel free to stop reading. I'll return to regular scheduled programming with the next blog post, where I'll talk about yoga, my growing belly, or perhaps, our thoughts on child care.

Back to this post.

So, I'm unpacking from the trip, and I'm thinking, "you know I have this burning sensation in my butt. Is this normal? I don't feel like I have to go, it's not constipation. I know what constipation feels like. (Coincidentally, speaking of constipation, I think that will be the next segment in this new series, symptoms the blogosphere didn't tell me about.)

So, I decide to call the Nurse Line. My insurance company has this 24-hour nurse line staffed by maternity nurses. I figure they are probably sitting around waiting to hear about my butt pain, so, let's see what they say.

I get Nurse Jackie. She tells me, pregnancy can be uncomfortable and painful sometimes, especially first time pregnancy and, as she scans her computer screen and notices my the box marked multiples is checked, she exclaims, "especially for twin moms!"

Nurse Jackie continues, "So there is a lot of movement and discomfort and weight of the babies on your pelvis and anus, and sometimes that can cause pain."

She also explained hemorroids, which I had heard of, but never really knew about.

She told me to switch positions if I wasn't comfortable and wished me "Feel Better" as we ended the phone call.

I yelled for Carlos to discuss the situation. "It hurts so bad," I said, "Can you look?" Thank God I didn't marry a man that I didn't feel comfortable asking to look at my butt.

Me: OK, just tell if you can see anything out of the oridinary, leaning over.

Carlos, probably thinking, "this is the first time I've inspected your butt in this way, how am I suppsed to know if anythign is different?

Me: Tell me what it looks like. Is it red? Inflamed?

He is looking and I'm trying to separate to give him a better view, even though it hurts. I remembered something the nurse said. "Do you see grapes?"

Carlos: Yes, I see a grape.

Me: What? Seriously. I wanna see.

Carlos. Ok, hang on.

He knows what this means and goes for the digital camera. Yes, I was asking my husband to take a photo of my buttcrack. What did we do before digital cameras? Yes, I know, we deprived ourselves of these amazing husband-takes-photo-of-wife's-butt-experiences.

After i hear the sound of the shutter, I'm like, Ok, give me the camera.

OHIGOSH.. So I saw it. Yes, a grape. On the outside. I have a hemorroid!!

Nasty.

But at least I knew what it was. So, I called back Nurse Jackie and asked her what to do about it. She told me of Tuck's witch hazel and sitz baths. She also told me that they usually go away after delivery.

I'm thinking.. what? I was sorta hoping I'd buy this Tucks stuff, sit in the bath, and it would go away after dinner!

So, it hasn't gone away. I slept with like 10 pillows, finally getting comfortable, and now I'm leaning on my side, while I type this, and I do think I'm going to live.

But, man, never knew about this symptom. I had to prepare the rest of you for this exciting part of mom-dom.

Yes, I am 100% sure this is all more than worth it. Thank God for our babies!

starting to like this - full cirlce

Ok, I didn't admit it before.. but I didn't really *like* being pregnant for the first 19 weeks. It was really tough for me to admit, because I felt like I should LOVE this.. everyone loves being pregnant. I wanted so bad to be pregnant, why wasn't I soo happy to be pregnant?

OF COURSE, I loved that I was expecting. I loved knowing that two babies were coming. I loved ultrasounds and reading books about the babies and my pregnancy. But I did not like that my clothes didn't fit, that I didn't look pregnant, and that I was so so so tired all the time. Oh yeah, and that I didn't really know what I could eat and couldn't eat. and I was constantly calling my husband and asking him. And there was all the work questions about what to do/who to tell, etc. (Yes, I realized I was whining here.)

However, all that changed when I started showing. I mean, really really showing. Between December 20th and January 4th, I gained 10 pounds. 10 pounds in 13 days. Pretty impressive, huh? Since I'd only really gained about 8 pounds the entire pregnancy up to that point, I'm not too worried about too much weight gain. I'll tell the doc about it on Thursday, though.

But now, there is no hiding it at all. I have a major baby bump. Everyone notices. And that is fun. Carlos rubs my belly every morning and says, "How are my babies?"

I've figured out what I can eat. The fatigue is over. I love being pregnant now. I'd like to stay pregnant for many many more weeks.

Anything anyone else wants to admit or confess? Maybe someone will tell you how it will change and you will feel better. I wish I told ya'll earlier, I'm sure someone would have told me just to wait, it will get better.