IVF #1 is oficially over.

So finally.. it's over.

I went in for my beta this morning. I knew when the RE, instead of the nurse called, that it was not good news.

My beta was 15. It dropped for the first time. He doesn't think it was ectopic, just an early miscarriage.

Since I was pregnant, he says I need to wait to try a frozen cycle. So, that means July. But the last two weeks in July, I'll be in an Executive Training program in Massachusetts. So, that means August.

I will probably update the blog at least a few times between now and then. You'll all want to know when AF comes, right? :) I've really enjoyed writing and "meeting" so many people. Thanks for all your support.

I plan to go home this weekend, get my nails done, drink some wine, go running, and just enjoy not worrying about constant betas, acupuncture, appointments, etc.

I'm sad, of course, but hopeful and thankful that we will be parents soon! Thank God for our four totsicles.. Just praying they thaw well when the time comes!

4th beta at 17dpo

Well, my beta didn't exactly double..

But it didn't go down, either.

So, I'm still in limbo land.

At 17 dpo, my beta was 34.

As a reminder, my first two betas were 5.2 and 10.4. Then the hcg got a little crazy two days later and was 23.6.

So, now I have 42 reasons to be hopeful.

This time, Carlos and I talked to the nurse pretty extensively after my blood test.

I asked if a lack of progesterone could have had anything to do with it. I am paranoid because I chose not to do the PIO, but rather do endometrin (and diapers) three times a day. For the uninitiated, Endometrin is a tablet you use a tampon-like gadget to insert three times a day. The nurse assured me that I am geting enough progesterone with it, and not to think anything about that. She was very re-assuring, but I bet you next time, I will be brave and do the PIO.

She talked to us about warning signs for an ectopic and told us to get me to the emergency room if I expereince those. That was a very comforting conversation. (sarcasm)

When she called with the results, she said that the Dr. asked that I come in on Monday. So I made an apointment for 7:30 am. I think it's so interesting that this RE wants me to come in Monday, but as of last Thursday, the other RE wasn't going to have me come in for eight more days, the normal Beta #3 day.

Personally I'd rather go in more often. I just really want to know what is going on.

She told me a couple more things. One, no sex, baths, or swimming until after my period comes and goes this time. Too much risk of infection. But if the levels go down, then I could have a glass of wine. I'm not a huge drinker, so I'm not so concerned about that. But, nice to know.

And she also told me that mostof the time, the REs want to not start the next treatment cycle until after 2 more periods, this one and the next one. So, depending on what happens, I guess I'll have to refill the BCPs pretty soon, since we do not want to get pregnant on our own.

So, back to trying to be positive. Maybe I'll listen to the Anji meditation CDs tonight.

Praying that this really, really late implantation, in my uterus and not my tubes, and growth that speeds up soon.

I Took a Home Pregnancy Test

I went to Walgreen's last night. I had a "Transfer your prescription and get 25 bucks," and they burn a hole in my pocket if I don't use them quickly. So I transferred my folic acid prescription way early and went there.

They were like "this will take 45 minutes" because we have to fax this information to Rite Aid.

I'm like "Who faxes anymore?" But whatever, I can go look around anyway.

So, I go to the pregnancy test aisle. My theory is to find one that detects the highest amount of HCG, not one of the early result. Since my beta level was 23-point-something on Thursday, I figured i would test on Saturday first morning urine, and it would have to be at least 50 for me to continue hoping. I think in general the 50+ detectors are the non-early result ones.

Out of all the tests at Walgreen's, there was only one that was non-early results. ONE! It's was the Walgreens brand, and it was on sale 9.99 for a pack of two. I know all you smart infertiles buy them at the dollar store, but I am not really a hoarder of them, and I don't know where there is a Dollar Store, and I had a 25 dollar coupon anyway.

SO, I tested this morning. And I got a big minus, where there shoudl have been a plus. I woke up Carlos and asked him to look at it. I brought him the instructions and said "Which one does this look like?"

He pointed to the negative on the instructions, and I really agree.

I told my dad what was going on the other day and he said, "Well, a little pregnant is better than not pregnant at all." On the phone, I said, "Yeah, there's hope." But right now, I've decided that no, it's not.

If i'm not pregnant, I can have sex with my husband. I can take a bath and shave my legs. I can go to the nail salon. I can use the scale in our bathroom that sends a shock wave through your body to tell you your muscular percentage and body fat. (It might be dangerous in pregnancy.) I can go have some sushi. I can have some wine. I can go for a run.

Oh yeah, and I can cancel the acupuncture appointment I have for Tuesday and save that 75 bucks for early retirement. And I can stop taking the estrogen pills and progesterone tablets, and stop spending money on panty liners.

I can make plans for What To Do Next.

Wow, I'm starting to get excited about not being pregnant.

So, I called the clinic and said I wanted to come in. When did I want to come in? they asked. Well, now would work or i coudl come in thirty minutes. (I'm going to be great at giving choices to my children when I have them.)

So, I'll have some sort of report later tonight.

And advice on what to do next is welcome.

50 Reasons to Be Hopeful

I am loving this Betabase!

Yeah, I have read the horror stories of the ectopics and miscarriages, but for now, I am choosing to focus on this.

I cut and pasted it here, but the bar graph looks cooler on the site.

Thanks for your prayers.. for now, I am thankful and happy to be pregnant!

Day 15* -- 2430 Single Pregnancies Recorded
Beta range (Number of Pregnancies in this range)
3 - 5 (2)
5 - 9 (2)
9 - 16 (13)
16 - 29 (50)
29 - 51 (103)
51 - 90 (327)
90 - 160 (603)
160 - 282 (773)
282 - 498 (465)
498 - 880 (84)
880 - 1554 (7)
1554 - 2743 (1)
*Measured in Days Past Ovulation (DPO).